As the night falls upon my windowpane

Painful thoughts are mine to find

And all the distractions of the day

Fade as memories come to mind

Years of hurt surface once again

Hidden in the daylight with a grin

While tears inside me burn

But I laugh and suppress the pain within

Am I crazy?

Am I wrong?

For who can think straight

When Emotions of despair are so strong?

With time all wounds shall scar

But does the pain ever lessen?

I'm done with being responsible for her life

Of never knowing what will happen, only guessing.

Images of cuts, scars, blood and fear

Bombard and overwhelm my senses

Mental warfare has become the enemy

As they tear and beat down my defenses

My past has broken and jagged ends

And my cuts from them are fresh

Everywhere I look I'm reminded of the past

Of the silver knife digging into toughened flesh

Am I in the wrong?

Should I have stayed?

Night after night I cried myself to sleep

Constantly being afraid

She wanted more from me than I could give

But I did the best I could

Staying clam and keeping cool in times of crisis

Was the only rule I understood

Hiding the truth is easy in public

People provide the reason to pretend

And although some days are easier than others

My life still revolves around what could have been

But the good times help balance the bad

And when I can forget the past for a day

The feeling of being whole and fixed and loved

Is the reason I can still smile when skies are grey.