Remembrance
For My Father, Christopher
May 31, 1963- December 27, 2008


I remember thinking that having a dad in the
Secret Service wasn’t that different
From friends whose parents
Were doctors,
Lawyers,
Nurses,
And how you went to every dance recital, play, and hockey game that I had if you could and weren’t off traveling somewhere and how you would tell me
Stories about different countries after you came back and how, when I was four, I would hide in your suitcase then cry because you
Had to leave and I didn’t want you to even though I knew you’d come back and how you had a Ford F-150 that mom sold after you died and how one of your co-workers drove us to the hospital after you had a heart attack and I didn’t immediately
Recognize you after that until it settled in and how
Everything changed overnight after mom told the doctors to go to hell and that you would make it out alive and how she was going to keep her vows to you
And how I agreed with her
And how it was the
Right thing to do
How I ended up going to boarding
School to attain a degree of normalcy
And didn’t get sent to the ER vomiting because of how stressed out I was for a long
Time actually, until two days after you died and how mom stayed
With me for hours and how telling you good bye
Right there as it happened
Both told me you were in a place and that, for three years, we did everything we could but it didn’t work out and how you’re
With God now and
How mom and I will always love you and how it
Killed me and how heavy the soldier’s hand was as he rested his hand on my knee with a folded flag at your funeral and how I was so astonished to realize
How much greater you were than I thought
And how respected you were outside of the family, too and how I told you I loved you right before you died and how I don’t feel guilty because
I know that you heard it and I owed you
That much so that you could rest
In peace. Also, I know that you would be proud of me if you were here today.