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Anxiety
I have a war raging within myself
One invisible to your eyes
But to me
It’s overwhelming
It demands control of my life
You don’t hear my internal screams
As I battle the monster inside
I have no visible scars,
You don’t understand why
I lower my barely risen hand
Or I don’t talk over the phone
After texting for so long
Why panic flashes my eyes when I’m called upon
Why I don’t show my art
Why I hide my writings
Why I hold so much of myself back
Why I avoid ordering my own meal
or asking for directions
or asking for anything
But if you look close enough
If you really care
You’ll see my fight
You’ll see my raw skin
From rub
rub
rubbing my skin
You’ll see the unnatural ways
I twist
and
contort my hands
You’ll see my skin faintly tinted green
As my stomach churns
Threatening to bring up my last meal
You’ll see me check my pulse
Because I fear the war drum of my heart
Can be heard by the person next to me
You’ll see the way I let my hair fall in my face
And I make myself look small
When walking through crowds
There are so many signs
If only you could see
If only you cared
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