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Let me explain
I want to be happy
But, all I see is sadness and deep despair
I just can’t bring myself to be happy
I feel suffocated
Shameful
On paper I’m perfect
Average
I have a good
Mom, dad, sisters, family
I have friends and loved ones
Around me
But, all I can feel is sadness
I feel a burden on my shoulders that gets
Heavier by the minute
A burden that I can’t let go
It pushes me to the ground
And I can’t get myself up
I’m in a hole that I can’t climb out of
I can’t care about myself
Yet I care about him, her
Everyone but not me
They tell me to
“Go for a walk, do yoga, talk about it, take medicine”
But this can’t be fixed with medicine or yoga
This is just a constant battle I have to face
Day in and day out
It’s a sickness that affects every part of me
My school life
My family life
My personal life
My friend life
And to this day
I try to explain but, i’m met with blind hesitation
I wake up every morning and feel horrible
Some days it’ll go away
Others it stays by my side
Others ask me why I’m so sad
All I can say is
“I don’t know”
I build walls
So I can protect others and myself
Form getting hurt
The walls are so high that
You’ll never be able to see over them
My pain or thoughts
I create a character
She is
Perfect
She is amazing
So I live these two lives
One for the public which is perfect
And one for me late at night
Which is broken
Cracked all over
All this eats me up
Daily and I have a hard time telling others
Tell others that
A part of me gets taken away
That I cry every night
Worried that I won’t be accepted
Worried that I’ll be that kid
in the corner of the room
That everyone ignores
I put up with
Anxiety, panic attacks, anxiety attacks, heartbreak
Everything horrible
But I can’t tell anyone about it because
I’m scared
Scared of hurting them
And that is my explanation
Of who and why I am me
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