Hope Less

burnt metal and tire

smashed glass and door

cracked telephone pole

our heads resting on a broken car floor

my life just flipped upside down

after that i shook with every loud sound

after that I lost myself

i became my experiences

i became my constant fear

when a loud sound would come into a silent room

i would shed a tear

i didn't want to be this way

i didn't....don't

i don’t want my experiences to change me in such a way,

in such a horrible way

i don't want to be that person who shakes when everyone else is steady

that girl who cries because that one loud noise sounds the same as many

as the many noises she's heard in the past.

screaming, 

sirens, 

crashes, 

bangs, 

loud sobbing tears

these noises trigger all my fears.

i can't help but feel hopeless

i guess i need to learn to hope less

to hope less for being okay..

nothing is in my control it never is

i just have to 

watch it

to hear it

to be a part of it

to feel it

to accept it

because i am hopeless....because i am hopeless.