TRIGGER WARNING!

     Today I'm telling you a story, one that I haven't told to many others. One that I've thought through a thousand times before writing it out. One that I wrote and deleted, and wrote and deleted. One that I teared up writing. It's an important story though, one that I think should be shared. One that might help someone. One that could make someone feel heard.

     Today I'm telling you a story, a story of a girl. A story of a girl who couldn't see her worth, even though it was right in front of her. A story of a girl who wasn't even a teenager when she started hurting. A story of a girl whose pain wouldn't give her a break. A story of a girl who found her value in what other people thought of her.

     Today I'm telling you a story of me. A story of when I wore long sleeves during the summer. A story of when I got 0/27 on the depression screener because I didn't want to be sent away. A story of how I wrote my first suicide note at 12. A story of when I had no intentions of living past the age of 14. A story of when I did research into how to escape a mental hospital.

    Today I am showing you who I am. Today I am showing you my bruises. Today I am showing you my scars. Today I am showing you what no one else has seen. Today I am showing you what I have yet to realize for myself.

     Today I am feeling scared. Today I am feeling all alone even though I have access to talk to every person I love. Today I am feeling numb, but how's that different from all the other days. Today I am feeling aware of how bad this has gotton. Of how the self harm tracker app hasn't gone past 7 days in months. Of how I don't mind the pain anymore. Of how I wonder if today will be my last.

     Every day I am making progress. Every day I talk to people a bit more. Every day I open up a bit more. Every day I make the cuts more like scratches. Every day I try to remember the good things. Every day I become a little bit happier.

     So today I am telling you the story of a girl. A girl whose hair started to fall out. A girl who has a hard time believing the compliments people tell her. A girl who is crying in a dark room at 1 AM. A girl who desperately wants to feel validated by those around her. A girl who doesn't want anybody else to feel the way she is.

     So today I am sending you a message. A message that you should get out of bed a bit earlier today. A message that you should make yourself breakfast. A message that you should call a loved one. A message that you should ask for help. A message that you are valid. A message that you are worthy.