As of late

My mind is a pool

Swimming with memories

Of better days

The present flickers

And the past freezes

As time slips away

As I drink in the impossible. 

Suddenly I’m younger

And I’m free

There’s no boundaries

Everything was as it should be

As I see the world

Through a keyhole memory

If my mind is a prison

Then lock me in

I’m desperate to get drunk

on what I used to be

Here the hours are longer than days

Where better to escape

Than into my past

For there is no future to see. 

And it keeps on going 

Infinitely. 

Like drums around my head

On and on, endlessly

The repetition. 

The insanity. 

A living paradox

Trapped in my head. 

My mind is spiraling like

Two stars ready to explode

For minds trying to live without time

Struggle to grasp reality

What should I keep?

What should I forget?

What part of today will never happen?

How much of my future will never happen?

And if my mind is a heaven

With bars on its edges

It’s inescapable but benign

But only to those strong enough. 

Why should you leave

To the horrors of the world?

Why not revel in the fantasies

Of everything that was, or could be?

My mind is an infinity

Of everything I could ask

To draw me in

Like a trap

And I’ve drawn myself in so well

I don’t want to leave 

Is that a shame?

When will I want to leave?

When will I be able to live?

Because this is not living.