We couldn't touch but I had to.
I had to test those damn waters.
Well, I thought, if we were friends
then friends could touch each others elbows and knees, right?
But it was like a forcefield
It was like some special force was surrounding the space
where his elbow and sweater touched me
and my legs relaxed and they were closer and he didn't move
until he moved and it was like a vibration
or more like a calm but tense vibe that was between us
not us
but our isolated connections:



my face

his hand



my legs

his feet
Hyper awareness, I guess it was
And it was crazy,whatever it was....as well as uncontrollable and bursting....but within a space of supposed calm.
I hadn't breathed for hours, it felt like, in that dark auditorium.
I mean, it felt like the movies

Just like the movies
Except, there is no static electricity when your fingers brush in passing
No sweeping of the stomach.
Your face is so red that you don't focus on your stomach.
You put your cold hands to your face
Hoping to get the red away before the house lights turn on. But instead
you get shivers which makes your legs shake.
And when your legs shake you put your hand on your thigh




right by your knee
and you wish, you don't know how you wish it or how you would react if it came true but you know that if he were to take your hand right now




even for a moment
A moment so quick that maybe you are not even sure if his awkward hands warmed your small, cold fingers.
And yet you wish for this impossible
with all your heart.
Because, well, because you want a sign. Because the unknown is scary. Because you want to be in someone's mind in the same uncontrollable way



that they are in yours.
"I can't read your mind" I want to say.
But more, I want to feel my hand, my stomach, my head ....instead of elbows and knees.
Just give me a sign that you felt the vibes too? And if you did, could they be good? And if not, I will stop making you uncomfortable and....we will be friends. Because, honestly, pride is something I can and have been living without.
Because, truthfully, you wouldn't. Would you?