Fear, that
Excessively familiar, tight
Expanding lump
Has snuck into my chest
Once again,
Constricting
Letting no air in or
Out, no oxygen
Becoming greater and
Greater with each
Passing, halting breath
Until it is reflected in my eyes
Until it leaks into my heart, into my
Mouth, into my mind
Consuming
All that it can find –
Memories, dreams,
Promises that
One day it will all end,
That everything
Will be just fine, will
Improve, better itself if left alone, that
My troubles will be solved
In time
It fills me like an
Ever-expanding balloon I tuck away
Into a corner of myself
And forget about
Though merely in part
For some time,
During which it becomes transparent –
Unlike gauze or gossamer, but like
Layers of plastic wrap or
Cobwebs
That wrap around my life and
Diminish it, that
Wrap around my happiness and
Muffle it, that
Wrap around my emotions and
Mute them, dull them
To a barely recognizable, monochrome gray
That terrifies me
Solitary strong emotion
When I feel it, or, rather,
The lack of it
In my chest and wonder
If I am still human,
That frightens me so that I must
Try to somehow find myself through
The frightful layers of flesh
That do not mirror my essence,
Contenting themselves with
Obscuring it, dissimulating it
From the eyes of others.
Fear that
Tight, expanding,
Omniscient, ever-present lump
Uses me and my
Humanity
To feed itself.
But after it has done so,
And is satiated and content,
What will be left?