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My Treasure Box
I look down on my world
It swirls green
And blue
And white
And though many miles
Of empty space
Separate us
The sounds of life
Reach
My ears
The rustle of leaves
The rush of water
The shouts
The chirps
The barks
The cries
My world
Is a treasure
A treasure
Beyond knowing
A treasure
Of life
But it is not
Alone
I look beyond
My home
And see countless
Others
None
The same
None
Worthless
The universe
Is my treasure box
And only treasures dwell here
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This article has 17 comments.
I really enjoyed the metaphor you use; very creative. The interesting thing is that you could have gone a lot of different directions with this comparison, so the reader is anxiously awaiting your elaboration. I think that to improve this poem, you could consider going into more detail on specific moments. Instead of leaving it up to the reader's interpretation, zoom in on a few selected connections in the metaphor, and elaborate! Use those imagery skills, and draw us in with your language. Also, be careful when using one word lines that the chosen word really carries its weight. Though it is tempting to use a one word line for dramatic significance or pause, be sure to vary this with other means of emphasizing your point. Thanks for sharing your work; it is lovely!
Keep writing, Bella
Gibberish is awesome, and if that's really what you did here I'll join the Support Gibberish Team! You did an awesome job, it's so simple yet really powerful. My favorite line is:
"My world
Is a treasure
A treasure
Beyond knowing"
Just perfect!
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Favorite Quote:
~Hope. Faith. Love~<br /> ~Be proud of who you are.You are all unique in a different way.~<br /> ~I WILL NOT fade into oblivion , and become less than<br /> a distant memory.~
Seems to me like your a jack of all trades. Your poetry is near flawless , formatted or not , and your use of metaphor and descriptive words make this an enjoyable read. My favorite line is " The universe is my treasure box". Seriously , amazing job!
5 Stars :)