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Drowning

November 13, 2012
By CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
More by this author
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else&#039;s draft. <br /> H. G. Wells <br /> Don&#039;t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. <br /> Mark Twain

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The child drifts through school,
head down, shoulders hunched,
Praying to go unnoticed,
Drifting lost at sea.

But the sharks find him.
Find him and attack,
lunging, ripping, tearing.
He screams for help,
but the lifeguards
don't
notice.

So he goes down,
sinking in the dark water,
drowning in the deep.
And the sharks
swim
away.
Laughing.

© Harrison L., Ruston, LA

The author's comments:
In English we had to write a metaphor poem. This was my first time, so I hope I did it well! Any advice is, of course, appreciated.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 10 comments.

CammyS SILVER said...
on Dec. 16 2012 at 8:49 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else&#039;s draft. <br /> H. G. Wells <br /> Don&#039;t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. <br /> Mark Twain

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Thank you! I was originally thinking that the bullied kid would just quietly slip under the water of bullying, with nobody noticing, but I did like the sharks better. I'm glad someone else likes it too. Thank you for reading my work!
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD said...
on Dec. 15 2012 at 8:46 pm
Stella_Val_Illicia GOLD, Salt Lake City, Utah
13 articles 0 photos 247 comments

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&quot;In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad idea.&quot;<br /> --Douglas Adams

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This poem is a really good metaphor that shows great emotion for the victim. I am slightly fascinated with sharks, so this was a cool poem to read with great idea behind it. I really like you writing style.
CammyS SILVER said...
on Dec. 6 2012 at 7:47 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else&#039;s draft. <br /> H. G. Wells <br /> Don&#039;t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. <br /> Mark Twain

View profile
Thank you! Metaphor poems are enough to make me scream in frustration, thank goodness we're onto descriptive writing in English.
CammyS SILVER said...
on Dec. 6 2012 at 7:38 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else&#039;s draft. <br /> H. G. Wells <br /> Don&#039;t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. <br /> Mark Twain

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Thank you!
Allicat001 SILVER said...
on Dec. 5 2012 at 5:55 pm
Allicat001 SILVER, Waukesha, Wisconsin
6 articles 0 photos 170 comments

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I really liked this poem, I noticed the metaphor between bullying and drowning right away, great job! :)
WingedSilhouette13 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 30 2012 at 5:18 pm
WingedSilhouette13 BRONZE, Pennsauken, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;No matter what happens in life, be good to people, being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.&quot;- Taylor Swift<br /> &quot;No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.&quot;- Randy Pausch

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Okay, I see. Thanks. We did a poetry unit in english
CammyS SILVER said...
on Nov. 30 2012 at 7:55 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else&#039;s draft. <br /> H. G. Wells <br /> Don&#039;t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. <br /> Mark Twain

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Longer, you mean? Yeah, I can see that. But I did like how it ended, and I was finding it hard to figure out "what came next", plus I was running out of metaphor. Thanks for commenting!
CammyS SILVER said...
on Nov. 30 2012 at 7:53 am
CammyS SILVER, Papillion, Nebraska
5 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
No passion in the world is equal to the passion to alter someone else&#039;s draft. <br /> H. G. Wells <br /> Don&#039;t say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream. <br /> Mark Twain

View profile
The idea is that the whole poem is supposed to be one long metaphor, comparing the same two things throughout the entire poem. I compared bullying to drowning. One really good example we read in English was: The Poison Tree, by William Blake, which would probably explain the idea of a metaphor poem a whole lot better than my poem. Thank you for commenting!
WingedSilhouette13 BRONZE said...
on Nov. 29 2012 at 7:27 pm
WingedSilhouette13 BRONZE, Pennsauken, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;No matter what happens in life, be good to people, being good to people is a wonderful legacy to leave behind.&quot;- Taylor Swift<br /> &quot;No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.&quot;- Randy Pausch

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I didn't really find the metaphor in it, but it was really good!
crissypenguin PLATINUM said...
on Nov. 29 2012 at 12:59 pm
crissypenguin PLATINUM, Sixmile, South Carolina
21 articles 1 photo 21 comments

Favorite Quote:
only you can control you

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i think this could be more but it was great