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the stars go out one by one
May 24, 2013
the moon bathed our skin
with a liquid silver light
as the sliver stars
flickered like the fading
light of the street-lamps
around us
i begged you stay
my cracked lips quivering
silver tears staining my silver cheeks
but you resisted
your silver eyes
denying me of you
your closed lips taut
affirming your rejecting me
the distance between us
is greater than the light years
spreading from eon to eon
separating the silver stars from the silver moon
and you walk past
the flickering street-lamps
fading away from me
like the silver moon
ebbs crescent by crescent
the silver stars
burning out
one by one
© Allison H., Vancouver, WA
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This article has 30 comments.
I never thought of stars in such a dark and lurid way before. I like how you take something beautiful to the eye and make it seem gloomy and obscure from a different angle of perception in your free verse poems. Another wonderful piece, from another wonderful writer.
DarknessHasFallen GOLD said...
on Jul. 8 2013 at 5:13 pm
My heart broke just reading this poem beautiful but also heart wrenching.thank you for sharing this with me.
ramfthomas4 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 21 2013 at 9:45 pm
it's like actually being rejected by someone. i mean, you can feel the pain. that's a good thing!
Hey, Liv. It's been a while, I must admit. I miss your feedback as well. I've been awfully side-tracked with so much madness. And yes, she did inspire this piece as she has with a few others. Thanks so much for the feedback. I did try to paste a link here of a poem I wrote. But it says Anonymous. I don't know why I pressed that. Has a check mark though. It's called Blood Bath.
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 20 2013 at 9:35 am
You're welcome, as always. I've been pretty busy but well, but weather is awfully hot..I suppose the lack of outdoor activities is what makes me prefer winter and not summer. Thank you for asking. All my best wishes.
Thanks, Liv. I always appreciate your feedback. Always. It makes my day Even when I'm not feeling 100%. It keeps me rocking. TeenInk.com/poetry/free_verse/article/555889/Blood-Bath/ If you like you can read this. Unfortunately, when I submitted it, I pressed Anonymous. -_- Now, not many people get to read it. But I did write it. And yes, MyApocalytic once again inspired me. Talk to you soon hopefully.
If you notice, most of the speakers of my peoms if they describe themselves, they add the imperfections they have. Meanwhile, their lovers are perfect. I don't know why I do that with my poetry. I guess it adds some personal-ness in them. I'm glad you caught that. Not a lot of people do. Thanks, Krasota.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jun. 13 2013 at 5:40 pm
I thought this was hauntingly beautiful and I love how you included "cracked lips." Not many people are willing to show the imperfections of a poem's narrator, and I loved that you included that small little description. :D Have a great day!
SaphiraBrightscales DIAMOND said...
on Jun. 13 2013 at 3:50 am
Hey, Mckay ...how are you? You know I really try to be as honest as I can with the comments I post and to say here That "I Love it" would be quite unfair.. because one cannot truly love something unless they completely understand it and I do understand it some, but not all... I mean the basic fabric isn't hard to grasp, but I do feel there is a great depth to this that I somehow cannot go into probably because I have not ever been in the same situation so I cannot say I understand, I mean...god I'm so confusing you right? Ah ,well...I just mean I understand what it means but not what it -feels- f you know what I mean ...since I've never felt that...But anyway I love love the way you use silver again and again. And Oh in the third line did you really mean to write "sliver" or typo? Love always.
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 11 2013 at 6:57 pm
Hey Mckay! Long time no talk and to be honest i kinda miss you're feedback and work so i decided to update myself on what was going on on your page. More amazing poetry as usual. As soon as I saw the title i immediately thought of MyApocoliptic its very her. Brilliant work as usual. So what's going on? I am just here at anytime and if you need me just come to my page and tell me if you ever want me to read something or just stop by my forums. I am always here to read your work and offer honest feedback. I love the descriptions it really painted a picture in my mind. Well that's all, just keep on rockin Mckay
