They sat me down in that hard black chair
and offered me fresh hot chocolate.
It was hot. And it smelled chocolatey and delicious.
Just like my mom used to make.

I didn’t drink a single drop.

They played nice for a while. Oh yes.
They always play nice. At least for a while
before they tell you what it is they really want.
“What can we get from you?” they ask with their eyes.
Cold eyes. All the same. Cold, cold eyes
and cold hands and cold feet
with a cold heart to match.

And after they asked the question ten million times
in ten million different ways with ten million different bribes,
they asked me what I thought about love.
They asked me what I thought about love.

They asked me what I thought about
love.

So I told them. I told them exactly what I thought
about love.

“Love,” I told them, “is a four letter word.
All it does is it makes you feel things,
think you feel things. Special things
for special people.

And then it walks out on you. Just… gone.
And you’re left all alone in the cold. All alone
wishing you never knew
what
it
was.”

They sat there for a while. With their cold, cold eyes
and their cold hands and their cold feet
and their cold hearts.
They didn’t say anything for a while.
They didn’t say anything at all.
They sat there for a long while.

And then they asked me, “How do you know?
How do you know love is a four letter word
that makes you feel special things for special people
and then walks out on you and leaves you all alone
in the cold and you’re left wishing you never knew
what
it
was?”

So I told them. I told them everything,
more than I’d ever told anyone.

I told them,

“I loved my dad once. He’s drinking in the Big House.

I loved my mom once. She’s six feet underground.

I loved my sister once. She wishes she never even knew my name.

I loved a girl once. I gave her white roses painted red
and I put them in her hands. And then I walked away
and waited for her to love back.

But she didn’t.

And I was left all alone in the cold. All alone
wishing I never knew
what
it
was.”

I got up and left after that.
They didn’t stop me. They didn’t even say a word.
Behind me, the hot chocolate steamed in its cup
getting cold.