I refuse to let you come into what was a peaceful two years of my life and tell me about myself tell me i was wrong for my action
. As if I don't live with them everyday
as if I don't think "why was I so cold?"
I can't answer these things because I don't know
and whether it was to you or not I apologized for what I did
I prayed until my soul felt cleansed and then I moved on
for the last two years I've been rebuilding myself in a way only I can understand
only I can fathom what I'm bettering myself for
I don't think you realize that when all of this is over i'll never hear or speak, of you or travel to your section of My brain
and just like a dead fish in the ocean you'll sink to the bottom of my thoughts
you
jade
MLC
the depression
and all the other things that haunt me
I've lived so long I'm the shadows of my own pain when I stepped into the morning sun so full of joy, laughter and Pure happiness
I felt like I was beyond human
like it was my rebirth
I shan't let someone like you
who thinks he's high and mighty
all feared and all knowing
cast me back into my pain
because you can not judge
you're a equal part
I've seen things just like you
I know things just like you
you've rattled these sorrow filled cages too many times to play innocent
you want to make me look like a fool
I never said I was a saint
I never claimed to be a virgin to deceit and forgery
but I am not what you make me out to be
yet only a reflection of what you took time to create
before you I was blind to how the world is and completely fine with that
but now that I know
now that I know something so cruel can lay in the sweet angelic eyes of a sixteen year old boy
I shall never trust again
never lay with the dogs and arise with fleas
because I unlike you have learned that manipulation gets you no where
and chasing stories with no leads can only give you unverified articles
So what are you ?
When high school is over and the fact that I strayed because another boy called me “beautiful”
and you caught me within my own lie no longer matters
what will you be ?
The same boy that lead me to believe I was perfection then tried to change me
the same boy that put me down to pick me up the same boy who knew my past yet repeated it
maybe the same boy that never had real intentions of loving me but stayed because he "had nothing better to do"
I may may not be on your level of intellect
but I am not who I was before
but you'll never understand that
because at the end of the day you're just a boy
and this is a mans world
I may not be smart but mama didn't raise no fool