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Baby Brother

June 20, 2014
By Cam_Dale BRONZE, Plainview, Texas
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Cam_Dale BRONZE, Plainview, Texas
3 articles 9 photos 10 comments
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Crying clouds consoled each other in the opaque sky
While forcing to Earth the result of their despair.
Absorbed by God’s canvas, I surveyed the atmosphere, alone.
Suddenly, I overheard squeals of elation as minute raindrops tickled his nose.
From my window, I saw my baby brother dancing in the world’s tears.

Compelled by a strange force, I spun and saw
Nebraska News Now flash onto the TV screen.
I casually ignored, then turned back to nature’s serenity,
Paying little mind to the urgent report.
From my window, I saw my baby brother romping in the grass.

Under the darkening sky, paranoid peripherals perceived
An orange jumpsuit surging towards the little boy.
My horrified eyes looked out
As red showers sprayed across the disturbed lawn.
From my window, I saw my baby brother dropping to the ground.

His victim’s heart stopped.
The devil glared into my consciousness.
The catastrophic storm heeds no soul,
But the clouds are not to be ignored.
From my window, I saw my baby brother’s killer coming for me.

© Noah P., Platte City, MO

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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 13 comments.

alaina_h BRONZE said...
on Jun. 22 2015 at 10:26 pm
alaina_h BRONZE, Wilmington, Delaware
4 articles 3 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe that happy girls are the prettiest girls. -Audrey Hepburn

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Wow....this is intense, and beautiful, and tragic all at the same time and I an soo impressed by this. Your imagery is captivating, and when you're reading this, it feels like you're watching the scenes unfold with a sort of morbid curiosity that's really hard to get across...love it.
Beila BRONZE said...
on Jun. 21 2015 at 6:46 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 516 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco.&quot; -Mark Twain

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This is a really interesting poem. Your writing is intense and packed with emotion, and I love the way you pace the ideas. That being said, I don't know what you gained by calling this a poem rather than prose, considering that you wrote in complete sentences anyway. The chilling writing was captivating and all, but because it flowed as complete sentences, the line breaks actually bothered me more than they helped me understand your rhythm. That said, good writing is good writing, no matter how you format it. :)
Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER said...
on Jul. 9 2014 at 11:10 pm
Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER, Los Angeles, California
7 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You May Encounter Many Defeats But You Must Not Be Defeated&quot; By- Dr. Maya Angelou

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I honestly really like this. When I read it, it was like I was right there watching the events unfold the way they did. the way you use imagery is amazing. It starts off light then turns dark and unpredicatble. Good Job! 
WOWriting SILVER said...
on Jun. 25 2014 at 10:47 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
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Really like this, imagery and emotion are brilliant here :) Not sure about a meaning but yeh, not everything has one. Still really like this
HayatC. PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 23 2014 at 2:43 pm
HayatC. PLATINUM, Louisville, Kentucky
25 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one.&quot;

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Wow, that was chilling. You're a great writer :) 5/5 stars
Cam_Dale BRONZE said...
on Jun. 23 2014 at 12:54 am
Cam_Dale BRONZE, Plainview, Texas
3 articles 9 photos 10 comments
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Thank you!
Cam_Dale BRONZE said...
on Jun. 23 2014 at 12:54 am
Cam_Dale BRONZE, Plainview, Texas
3 articles 9 photos 10 comments
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Well thanks!
JRaye PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 22 2014 at 6:31 pm
JRaye PLATINUM, Dorr, Michigan
43 articles 10 photos 523 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;If you build your house far enough away from Trouble, then Trouble will never find you.&quot;<br /> <br /> &quot;Have you ever looked fear in the face and said, &#039;I just don&#039;t care.&#039;?&quot;

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So dark and unpredictable... Amazing stuff, you've got a gift
Cam_Dale BRONZE said...
on Jun. 22 2014 at 6:23 pm
Cam_Dale BRONZE, Plainview, Texas
3 articles 9 photos 10 comments
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Of course! And thanks!
Z.V.Oksana PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 22 2014 at 4:28 pm
Z.V.Oksana PLATINUM, Harrison, Arkansas
22 articles 1 photo 60 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there&#039;s a tomorrow. Maybe for you there&#039;s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it.<br /> But for some of us there&#039;s only today. And the truth is, you never really know.&rdquo; <br /> ― Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

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I absolutely loved this...your imagery and diction is intense and frightening. Wonderful job. The ending was really a shocker. Could you possibly  check out some of my work, particularly the ones that don't have comments?? :)
HudaZav SILVER said...
on Jun. 22 2014 at 10:32 am
HudaZav SILVER, Toronto, Other
8 articles 6 photos 390 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Nothing is impossible; the word itself says &#039;I&#039;m possible&#039;!&quot; -Audrey Hepburn

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Very suspenseful and unpredictable ending. I love love love the first paragraph, especially the line "I saw my baby brother dancing in the world's tears". Keep it up! 
Cam_Dale BRONZE said...
on Jun. 21 2014 at 7:11 pm
Cam_Dale BRONZE, Plainview, Texas
3 articles 9 photos 10 comments
View profile
Thanks! I think? Haha
Luv4Ever SILVER said...
on Jun. 21 2014 at 4:52 pm
Luv4Ever SILVER, Jacksonville, Florida
7 articles 0 photos 199 comments

Favorite Quote:
A miracle is just another name for hard work<br /> -Minho in &quot;To The Beautiful You&quot;

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The ending was unexpected but I liked the beginning the best