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blueberries
July 4, 2014
all in all
the blue-
berries
frozen
and round
like glass
marbles
rolled
off the
cherry-
wood
table
one by
one
after
you left
them
there
last night
for me
i refused
to eat
any of
the
indigo
tart orbs
alas
they’re
a favorite
of yours
© Ariana T., Overland Park, KS
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 12 comments.
Interesting. It almost reminded me of the first few lines of "On Top of Spaghetti." I'm sure that's exactly what you want to hear. ;) I love the simple beauty of a poem about blueberries. I almost feel like it would be a shame to burden such a gem with heavy meaning. Let it stand on its own; it's a lovely little poem about blueberry marbles.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother, Krasota. ;_; Breaks my heart. And sorry to hear about your wisdom teeth too. That's no fun; I speak from experience. It was the worst pain; and the awful—AWFUL—allergic reaction I got from taking the antibiotics was no much better either. I've written several pieces lately. All spur of the moments. Cheesy love/unrequited/broken relationship poem. Which is funny, due to the fact that I've never once dated or had a relationship. But I'm trying to explore all the weird emotions that I seem to bury day by day. Woah, that was way too deep right there. Gotta take it a notch down. Pheeeewwww. Any way, I always appreciate your feedback. Feel better soon. Irony: I was thinking of emailing you today, a little while ago, actually. Weird, huh? Thanks, Krasota.
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jul. 31 2014 at 11:30 am
No problem :) Sorry I haven't been in contact with either you or Callie again. I just had all four of my wisdom teeth extracted and it's still quite painful. Doesn't look like I'll be able to message you guys for the time being, either, as my grandma may die soon (she has had a severe heart attack and mini-stroke as well as a major vein blockage). Life has its moments. Ah well, good luck in your future pieces! Let me know if there is anything that I can critique/edit for you. Have a great day! :)
"Pearl"? Wow, thanks, Krasota. I do now think the "alas" is out of place. This poem is one of those spur of the moments out of my conscience poems. But I've been revising it. Coming here and there back to it. We must wait to see what the future holds for this pearl of mine. ^u^
TheSkyOwesMeRain GOLD said...
on Jul. 23 2014 at 1:54 am
I really like the imagery and rhythm/sounds in this poem! The rolling motion in particular is very constant and shows ongoing movement, as a contrast to the unmoving speaker and the hollow ending. Nicely done! :)
Carpe-Caffeam GOLD said...
on Jul. 14 2014 at 2:36 pm
I think it does make perfect sense, and it was well-executed. Maybe one suggestion would be to replace the "alas" as it looks a bit odd in this otherwise charmingly informal piece. Amazing job, though! Nice to get back from a extended Teenink vacation and see this little pearl of a poem :) 5/5
