Invisible | Teen Ink

Invisible

August 19, 2014
By BThomas1313 SILVER, Vanceburg, Kentucky
BThomas1313 SILVER, Vanceburg, Kentucky
5 articles 0 photos 23 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are much greater things ahead than any we might leave behind" ~C.S. Lewis


You want me to be invisible.

You thought it would be effortless,

To push me to the depths of solitude

Without admitting your transgressions,

Never to ask forgiveness,

Or show remorse.

But I see through your facade,

And I refuse to be submissive.

I will not be ignored

And I won't allow you to be innocently reprieved.

I will be luminous through your

Dark curtain of loathing that tries to envelop me,

And I will not go out.

I will not be invisible.



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This article has 6 comments.


midnightwoah said...
on Feb. 22 2015 at 8:58 am
midnightwoah, Monett, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 188 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We accept the love we think we deserve." -Stephen Chbosky

I heart your vocabulary! I can tell that you are very mature and Intellect beyond your years. Please don't let a anyone make you feel you are alone, because you never are. Great writing and keep it coming ;)

on Feb. 16 2015 at 8:07 am
WOWriting SILVER, Broadstairs, Other
5 articles 0 photos 266 comments
Love this! Few too many I's but i still really like this! Powerful and emotional like all ur poems. Keep writing!

on Feb. 5 2015 at 5:59 pm
Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER, Los Angeles, California
7 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You May Encounter Many Defeats But You Must Not Be Defeated" By- Dr. Maya Angelou

When I read this its like i can feel the determination behind your words, its like you want to be something more in life. I enjoy this good job!

on Sep. 3 2014 at 11:13 am
guard-girl GOLD, Clover, South Carolina
10 articles 11 photos 147 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.&quot;<br /> Proverbs 3:5-6

Wow that was really powerful great job! 

on Sep. 1 2014 at 4:23 pm
Starlight99 BRONZE, Somewhere, Other
1 article 0 photos 18 comments

Favorite Quote:
I&rsquo;ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. &ndash;Maya Angelou<br /> <br /> The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why. &ndash;Mark Twain

Love the self-empowerment :-)  like McKay said I think it would be even better with similes and metaphors. Its still a really good poem. :-)

Mckay ELITE said...
on Aug. 29 2014 at 6:58 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.&quot;<br /> &mdash;Apple&rsquo;s &ldquo;Think Different&rdquo; commercial, 1997<br /> &ldquo;Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn&#039;t understood.&rdquo; <br /> ― Weihui Zhou

I like the message of self-empowerment, of not allowing others to subdue us, and of standing up for ourselves. For whatever reason, Teenink messed up with the format: there's a lot of <p>. I would say, work on making the poems a little less prosaic. Add some more similes, metaphors, and other elements that don't make it seem like a speech to yourself, but rather an apostrophe to someone who will not accept you for you. I like the line "I will be luminous through your/Dark curtain of loathing...". I believe that poems are never truly "finished" even in their "final" drafts: I'm constantly trying to better my poems, even the ones with Editors' Choices and that have been published. I'd recommend keep working on this poem: always strive, as a writer, to perfect your writing, even when everyone says your work is good as it is. Great message in this poem.