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Bloom (Secret Garden II)

March 11, 2015
By Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
More by this author
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

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somehow

 

unnoticed

 

a blooming bush of pink flowers

 

petals

 

spilling over one another,

 

falling to the ground.

 

 

dead flowers lie

 

half-melted

 

in 

 

the soil.

© Mary A., Fullerton, CA

The author's comments:

A bit of my Creative Writing homework (describing a place). I chose my Secret Garden.

 

"And yet, somehow unnoticed, there is a blooming bush of pink flowers, petals spilling over one another and falling to the ground. Multiple dead flowers are on the ground, either from a few days or a few years ago, half-melted into the soil."

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This article has 10 comments.

Allen. PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 7 2015 at 1:56 am
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

View profile
Ahh, thank you. I seem to have a very strange way of spacing things and using line breaks, but I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Z.V.Oksana PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 5 2015 at 8:09 pm
Z.V.Oksana PLATINUM, Harrison, Arkansas
22 articles 1 photo 60 comments

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&ldquo;Maybe you can afford to wait. Maybe for you there&#039;s a tomorrow. Maybe for you there&#039;s one thousand tomorrows, or three thousand, or ten, so much time you can bathe in it, roll around it, let it slide like coins through you fingers. So much time you can waste it.<br /> But for some of us there&#039;s only today. And the truth is, you never really know.&rdquo; <br /> ― Lauren Oliver, Before I Fall

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You did an great job of expressing imagery through brief descriptions. The meter is... interesting. It doesn't necessarily NOT flow well, but it feels like I'm taking breaths after every line, giving the poem almost an exasperated feel. With this kind of meter, you can express your thoughts in very few words. That's the beauty of poetry, I believe. Great job!
Allen. PLATINUM said...
on Apr. 13 2015 at 7:03 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

View profile
Thank you, Crow. I hope you enjoyed all of my work!
TheBlackCrow901 SILVER said...
on Apr. 13 2015 at 1:38 pm
TheBlackCrow901 SILVER, Chatham, Illinois
5 articles 0 photos 23 comments

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i really like the image of melting flowers, great read :)
Allen. PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 16 2015 at 7:25 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

View profile
Thank you for all of your wonderful critique. Nature seems to be very quiet around us and we don't notice except to complain. I should write about that, actually...
SerendipitousWonderland GOLD said...
on Mar. 16 2015 at 4:46 pm
SerendipitousWonderland GOLD, East Brunswick, New Jersey
12 articles 0 photos 5 comments

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This poem is so visually enticing (great imagery), the word choice was really the deal maker here. For me, the line "somehow/unnoticed" really represents what nature is like. That smooth, connected flow of season into season that you don't notice until everything is different. I love it!
Allen. PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 16 2015 at 4:31 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

View profile
Thank you, and that was a wonderfully terrible pun.
Allen. PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 16 2015 at 4:30 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

View profile
Thank you very much, Mystic. I did my best to give the most detailed description possible.
BreeZephyr SILVER said...
on Mar. 16 2015 at 10:06 am
BreeZephyr SILVER, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
7 articles 0 photos 84 comments

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&ldquo;In the moment when I truly understand my enemy, understand him well enough to defeat him, then in that very moment I also love him...it&#039;s impossible to really understand somebody, what they want, what they believe, and not love them the way they love themselves.&rdquo; - Orson Scott Card, Ender&#039;s Game

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Ha ha, the ads on the side of the page are trying to sell me floral bedding sets. I think some company has latched onto your "Secret Garden" title. Anyway, I liked this poem. It isn't quite as thought-provoking as some of your other works, but it gives a nice image. The description "half-melted in the soil" is a unique touch. Also, just wanted to say...I appreciate that you don't try to overdo your descriptions to "show" readers your writing talent--you let your message do the talking. Too many people would have grabbed onto the image of some flowers and written a very flowery (*cough cough*, pun intended) poem about it.
MysticMusic ELITE said...
on Mar. 15 2015 at 6:38 pm
MysticMusic ELITE, Waterloo, Other
116 articles 0 photos 118 comments

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Beautiful and short descriptions that paint a clear and beautiful image. I really love poems that are somehow simplistic and at the time, seem to show so much with so few words. Yours is one of those poems, and I love the delicate imagery here.