New Horizons
One.
His lips kiss my skin
Whispering that I am not from sin
Words powered by artificial lust
Weaving lies into my vulnerable mind
Just to make me think it’ll be alright
Crimson regrets that line my arms and heart
Pleading with me that just one more won’t make me depart
One more
One more day I can stay
And pretend that I’m okay
I’m sorry this knife shows me truth
That last kiss is all I remember
To be concerned with the beauty of you bed and what night may hold
When you don’t dare give me a second glance by day
Sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it
Two.
I still remember
The petrifying walk that led to my impending revelation
My resonating little world crashing in on me
Cornered by the ones I loved
My only savior stripped from me
I was a mess
Three.
So self-absorbed in pity
I was blinded
Sightless to the fact there were others like me
That she was in peril
All caused by my own selfish deeds
Four
Hollowed out and filled up with hate
Paranoia now runs through my veins like a poison
Falling, falling deeper into my own worst nightmare
Five
For the first time in my life he looks at me genuinely
I am no longer a burden but a real live girl
Soft hair, pale skin, and a broken smile
Broken into pieces too small to put back together
Too small to even matter
But big enough to cut me into so many pieces
Six
This is all just getting too hard
I’m falling apart breaking into shards
Twenty new scars
She’s drifting farther than I could have imagined
He’s gone by day
I want to save them
But how can I save them when I can’t save myself?
Seven
God knows I’m no princess
But I’d like by own fairy tale ending once in a while
Now in this tale I play the dual role of villain and victim
Seven months
She begs for this mans approval
And her words still eat right through me
Eight
We’re drifting apart yet
Closer than ever
I can feel the hatred burning in the back of her throat
She’s become a stranger
Nothing more than a narcissist
Nine
Silence
She ended our friendship
With a bullet to the back of the head
Etched into the back of my skull
The words I coulda shoulda woulda never said to you
Left me bound and tied with suicidal memories
You lie until they run out of questions
Darling you told me not to leave
But you’re the one that walked out that door with her already attached to you at the hip with the new name bestie
Ten
She was nothing more than a ghost
A memory so transparent
Fading with each day
Her absence rings louder in my mind
Louder than a bomb
Left me powerless with no direction
How did I fall so far behind?
Eleven
He pulled me out of darkness
Saved me from my own crimson regrets
Stamped out the fire that burned down my confidence
And taught me to breathe
To breathe
To expel the shadows that had nested within my lungs
To clear my infected state of mind
Defeat my own demons
Stitch up my scars
And live
Twelve
Twelve months
Fifty two weeks
Three hundred and sixty five days
Two friends
One love
Scars will heal, but were meant to bleed
And I’m only on page 31 of 365
Beauty can’t grow in darkness
If I want to blossom
I need to climb and reach my new horizon