Thursday, 7:41 pm 10/1/2015
The door swings open
The air splits with a crack
My pencil skips across the surface of smooth paper
With a screech, a jagged line is left
Startled, my eyes shoot up
Through the seemingly endless 10 feet
That lie between me and the door
My eyes meet another pair
Eyes that so greatly resemble yours
But not your eyes
Not the eyes I was expecting
It feels like I’m paused as I focus in
Something is off
It’s not right
The eyes
They’re sad and red
A pain is held in the swelling encasing them
Tears run down the familiar cheeks
Your sister.
But where are you?
7:42 pm
Time is sitting still
Lethargic
I know something is wrong
Sound is echoing around me
I can’t make out a single word
I’m in slow motion
But the world is spinning around me
Her mouth is moving
I hear nothing
Just the buzz of activity around me
The tears on her face pour more profusely
Her body collapses to the floor
She trembles in my door way
Head in her hands
7:43
Slowly the real world begins to flood me
I’m consumed by the sound of sobbing
I find myself shaking
Not able to move
Somehow I know what she said
But I’m not aware of what I heard
It seems as if an hour passed
It’s only been three minutes
“No.” the only word my lips will form
“No. No. No No NO.”
I refuse to accept what I’ve began to process
She looks at me
With those eyes that look like yours
It makes me sick
The buzz of the world turns into piercing words
That cut through my well being
“She did it.”
Words spinning around my head
Attacking my brain from every angle
“She did it.”
Did what
The first thing that would come to mind
But I know
I know what you did
7:45
Your sister pulled herself together
I can’t process this
I won’t
It’s all a sick dream
You wouldn’t do this
I have yet to be anything more than empty
It’s not real
8:00
I walk into your room
Immediately falling to the floor
Sick
It is real
Face to face with a crimson stain
A small glare of silver in the midst
You did it
You left
The reality of this is crippling
Breathless I look up
Paper
Just where I’d expect
Tucked under the bear I gave you
Last valentines
“I love you. Always.”
Tears soak the page
“No matter how far apart
you’re always my one good thing”
It wasn’t enough
It’s all been too hard
The strength I thought you had
It slipped away
You gave up
Monday, 2:30 pm 10/1/2018
I slept in your bed that night
For a while it was okay
I could still feel you
You weren’t really gone
But I woke up to an absence
And the nightmare of blood on the floor
I spent the next sixteen hours cleaning
I was set on removing this awful image
When I was done
The room was pristine
Just how you always had it
All clean except a pile of clothes in the chair
I still smell you
Over the potency of bleach 
Our pictures still covered the walls
I found comfort in your hoodie
Clinging to that basketball
You took everywhere with you
It’s been three years, my love
And I still remember
Every minute of that day
Today
I miss you
Your room is empty now
Your mom bared it
All I have left is that jacket
Gifts and picture
And this
The thought of being with you
Though I wish I could hear your voice again
But this cemetery
It has become oddly comforting
Three years to the day
I miss you.