I want you to have all the firsts with me
I want to be
your first girl
your first kiss
your first love

But I'm scared to be the other firsts
I don't want to be
your first ex
your first breakup
your first heartbreak

Can I be the first to hold your hand
without being the first to let it go?
Can I be the first to love your soulful eyes
without being the first to say goodbye?
Can I be the first to call you mine
without being the first to notice our decline?

I hesitate because I don't know if I can go from
laughing at your expressions
smiling when you look my way
feeling my heart jump when I hear your name
To
wanting to take back my confessions
avoiding your eyes in the hallway
trying to convince myself I'm not to blame

I don't want you to go from
laughing so fast
smiling at your phone
feeling like I'd never lead you astray
To
wanting to put me in the past
avoiding being with me alone
trying to convince yourself you're okay

Since we're so young
Should we simply leave this love song unsung?
Since we might get hurt
Should we just stay on alert?
Since we can't promise each other forever
Should we even consider this endeavor?

Wouldn't it be wise
to dismiss this before its demise
so we never get an unpleasant surprise?
So we never have to agonize
and wonder if the other needs a reprise?
So we never have to analyze
what we already realize?
So we never have to jeopardize
what we currently internalize?

I would trade in the beautiful sunrise
to take away any pain in your eyes
I would trade in the lovely sunset
to take away anything you want to forget
I would trade in the gorgeous sky
to make it so you never have reason to cry

But those trades are impossible
and we can't stop the unstoppable

No matter the amount of hope there is for us
will it ever be more than superfluous?
No matter the amount of connection
will it ever be more than mild affection?
No matter the amount of secrets we share
will it ever be more than what we can spare?

Since it's unknown
should we leave it alone?
Since we can't tell
should we quit before we raise hell?
Since the ending is a mystery
should we just call it history?

The question we need to ask is if the feeling of our
eyes meeting
voices overlapping
hearts adoring
Is worth the feeling of our
looks fleeting
smiles lagging
minds roaring

If I could guarantee
you would stay with me
If we could see the key
or what would be
If we could see that our fears
would be baseless in years

Maybe then we would try
and let this relationship fly
But can we risk our hearts
at a shot in the dark?
Can we risk our trust
without fear of disgust?
Can we risk our firsts
without fear of outbursts?

Can I let go of my tough exterior
without feeling like I'm inferior?
Can I let go of my past guilt
to let myself be rebuilt?
Can I let go of my uncertainty
without regretting it eternally?

Can you let go of your self-hate
before you detonate?
Can you let go of your past experiences
to see the differences?
Can you let go of your uncertainty
without regretting it eternally?

If the question was
if I would risk my heart for you
I would answer true
and say I would for you
but if the question was
if you should risk your heart for me
I would answer with a plea
and say you shouldn't for me

If the goal is stability
this is done futility
simply a liability
But if the goal is more
it might be a mistake to ignore
what it is we truly adore

I guess at the end of the day
what matters isn't if we won
but if we were lucky enough to play
before the end was done