we are desperately needing, reaching, wanting

satisfaction in the form of a fraction of everybody's love,

all their hate, all their validation

which makes us the worst of all, makes us

monsters clawing our way through the floorboards,

through the ceiling we are kneeling on the ground,

weeping, searching for a notion, for the slightest grain

of attention and it will bring us pain but we do it anyway

because we are leeches and the food that we crave

is right in front of us but we push it all away because–

we do things without reason, without wanting, without feeling

and we take and we take and we take but do we ever give?

and the abyss in our stomachs and the voids in our hearts

just keep growing and stealing until we lose all feeling

in our lungs, in our minds, in our hands

and we forget that the very thing that makes us human

is what's eating us inside

yet we scream and we cry and we wish we could be dead

because without a sense of self, what are we? when we ruin

our relations because of stupid validation we don't care.

we are addicts, searchinghopingneedingwanting feeling

in our lungs, feeling in our hearts and our hands and our minds

but we are not okay or fine or great.

we are being eaten up alive by some sense of who we are

if our minds are not scrambled, if our love is not toxic

who are we?

we love ourselves but we hate ourself and

we will always rate ourselves on a scale of one to ten

or a scale of good to bad

but in the end it doesn't matter because we would rather die

than make sure we aren't on a spiral straight to hell.

i am the main attraction and a one-man show and

the roses thrown at the end will be the same ones on my grave

because i have not been okay in years.