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natural love
January 22, 2016
this bright blue feeling
never could it be my heart
only cloudless skies.
© Jacob W., Oklahoma City, OK
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 10 comments.
PresCocoRain GOLD said...
on Feb. 11 2016 at 1:00 am
Yay! This is actually a haiku. There are some Teenink articles that say they are haikus, but then they turn out to have too many syllables, or they are not in that 5-7-5 style. This also hurts me (in a good way) because I can relate to this in my life right now. I'm having problems with like love in general, especially with expressing my feelings in poems and music and stuff. But seeing this has made me release, and now I feel confident that I can start doing what I love again. It's funny how you didn't try to make it really deep, but it turned out really deep for me. That just shows how much of a good writer you really are Allen. :)
guard-girl GOLD said...
on Feb. 10 2016 at 10:29 pm
I'm impressed, especially since you did not intend for it to be deep and thought-provoking. It is. It makes me think especially about regular problems a teenager faces, like homework, parents, clubs, no time, grades, etc. and the loss of childhood. I applaud you for writing this! :)
writer-violist DIAMOND said...
on Feb. 8 2016 at 2:51 pm
Wow! I think that this haiku is great! I agree that haikus can be difficult to write because of the limited number of syllables. I really like what you compare in this haiku, it is so lovely, yet deep in a great way. Is the line spacing supposed to be spaced that way? I'm just wondering because the first one has one space and after the second line there is two spaces. If you did it to express pauses in your writing or any other way, that is such a great idea! The imagery is great too! You are a really good writer! Please keep writing, I'd like to see more, and God bless! :)
Queen_of_Mediocrity BRONZE said...
on Jan. 27 2016 at 3:29 pm
This perfectly expresses the feelings I think we all get when we look at the sky, ever changing in color and clouds. The only thing is that line 2 is a little strangely worded, but it is a haiku so that makes it harder. Nice job. :)
Sonder said...
on Jan. 27 2016 at 2:39 pm
Euphoria and gratitude beautifully weaved together in the shape of a well-executed haiku.
I wish I could say this was incredibly deep... a person in chat wanted an example of a haiku, so I wrote one.
I guess it is a little deep, since I wanted to compare some feelings I have for people with all those lovely photos of the sky on my tumblr...