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Sweet 16
dads always look different when they’re wearing suits
but i won’t forget what yours did to you
the smell of apathy you sink your nose into
can only hide the truth for another hour or two
and your eyes are shining and you look like god
as you grab my hand and i drop my facade
your fairy godmother did a number on you
but it’s almost midnight and the music still booms
tonight we believe in god
tonight the cameras can’t catch us
tonight i kiss your shoulder as i leave
tonight we stand far apart
tonight i will make art
out of a room of people who would kill me
i hope none of your cousins can see my notes app
cuz i’d have a whole new can of worms to make you relapse
so i’ll write my poetry with my brightness down
i’m just like sappho if sappho was a clown
tonight you can not be helped
for you are not yourself
you are for everyone’s enjoyment
look at our lovely girl
she’s all grown up watch her twirl
i can’t wait till she finds herself a husband
i don’t mean to spoil this solemn celebration
just ignore me and my unholy fascination
it’s been quite some time since i’ve been in a crowd
i forgot how much i hate both fitting in and sticking out
tonight we believe in stars
tonight the cameras capture us
in our unrealized glory
tonight i will play a part
tonight you will be art
in a room of people who would hate me
oh wow this is getting old
tonight you are dressed in gold
as your eyes tell a lavender story
i’m an upstanding gemini
as i lie and lie and lie
i fabricate just for the glory
i can’t love you more than these people who pour holy water on you
i can’t love you more than the poltergeist inside you
i can’t love you more than the god i’ve never seen you pray to
i can’t love you more than the rose that you are seen through
tonight i will play a part
tonight you will be art
in a room of people who would hate me
oh wow this is getting old
tonight you are dressed in gold
as your eyes tell a lavender story
i’m an upstanding gemini
as i lie and lie and lie
and hope this doesn’t get gory
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This song was written over the course of my girlfriend's Swet 16. Her family is quite homophobic so the entire time I was trapped in a loud room full of people I had never met pretending the girl I was in love with was just a friend. It was a transformative experience for me and fundamentally shifted the way I thought about myself and my lesbianism.