Now I understand.

Before, I was lost. Confused even. How can something be that powerful to move you to throw your life away, for a 30 minute high? How can a small drug cause you to want to stick a small, dirty needle in your veins. Why do you crave it that much? Can’t you see that every inch you push the needle down, our family’s foundation cracks a mile.

It used to haunt me at night why you loved this so much.

But now I understand.

When I met her, I fell immediately. Her love fulfilled the deepest pits of depression of my black heart that so many people couldn’t. I learned the pain you had to go through having to wait 12 hours for your next high. I know the struggle you faced having to be without the thirst quenching desire we all desire. I know the pure joy and carefree life you live on this high.

To me, she was my heroin.

And now I realize that one more encounter with my drug, is worth my life too.