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The Banshee Became My Lullaby
September 3, 2015
The Banshee became my lullaby.
A nostrum to me at the last.
I’d crawl into its lap, “Oh Pain! Please halt!”
A moribund she was; subdued all to Future’s dismay.
I was to shun my world; she promised to crave me a way.
Her sheen was ostensible, I knew. Sadistic? Knew not.
Once I had her introduced the rational beings—my cohort.
“This ambiance you must quit for my presence to remain as it may.”
An immemorial night the banshee sat singing.
“It is now rationality’s death for I was detained not.”
The sea so torpid… yet the moon so full?
What exists not was painfully existing.
The Banshee became my lullaby. The Patina? I saw not.
Escape now or existence will lull. Escape now… or It shall lull.”
© Ranna C., Monmouth Junction, NJ
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A few days back, I was going through my Journal. This was an incomplete sonnet I had tried composing in a state of literal numbness.
About 5 years ago, before I knew it, my "imaginary world" had become a part of my daily life. I wouldn't live in the actual present and instead of celerating the day or changes my life brought, I would merge with the imaginary world and escape there. It was obviously a lalaland to me... and It had all I ever wanted. When I'd be happy I would stay there. When I was sad, I would supress the feelings and force myself to think about the happiness in there. This world, that would subdue my pain, is what the "banshee" is.
I didnt cry at my Grandma's death because she was still alive to me in that world.
This practice made me literally numb in feelings. I never found that out. Only this year, something really horrible happened. Everyone cried... but I was simply... casual. When my family's tears moved me a bit, I went to that world and saved the thing from happening... but noone stopped crying. This was what woke me up.
I was not living.
This is what the last lines mean. When I finally heard what the Banshee sings to me, it was a bit late. I managed to escape... but having lived with that world/Banshee for so long sewed within me the gluttony for that world.