Something I have become very interested in since quarantine first started is anime and manga. I started watching anime because of the incredible stories, characters and animation, but now I have become more interested in the psychological aspects that I can relate to in many ways. It was a comforting feeling to find things that could help me think and understand my own problems that I wasn’t sure how to deal with at first. These series helped me put different ideas into perspective that I wasn’t able to understand before and gave me a new outlook on life. The themes of these series range from understanding what it means to be yourself to the importance of always being kind.  

    The first series I’d like to mention is Blue Flag. Blue Flag is a manga written by Kaito and the story follows Taichi Ichinose and Futaba Kuze, a girl in Taichi’s class who confesses she likes Touma Mita, Taichi’s childhood best friend. They grew apart as they grew up, but still considers each other a good friend. At first, Taichi felt it was pointless to try to help Futaba confess to Touma, however he realized that it was unfair to deny her feelings and would help him be a good friend to Futaba. The three of them grow closer to each other over time, and eventually Futaba realizes she’s not in love with Touma, but rather likes Taichi after getting so close to him. While all of this is happening, no one notices that Touma is hiding his own secret- he’s been in love with Taichi since they were little kids but decided to suppress it in hopes of staying good friends with Taichi. The plot of Blue Flag is very well written, with relatable characters that makes it hard not to like them. Every character is very different from each other, with distinct feelings and views of how things work. Most of said characters are trying to get a better grip on their lives while in their last year of high school and their experiences as time goes on only helps them come to terms with everything that goes on in their lives. In Blue Flag Volume 7, Saya tells Kensuke “So basically you can’t understand the thing and it scares you. But you can’t be bothered to even try to understand it so you just give up and say you hate it so you don’t have to think about it anymore.” This was during a discussion about how Kensuke is too close-minded to accept that people are different and who Touma likes doesn’t affect him in any way. I think this whole conversation is a good example of how people who tend to hate things don’t hate them because they’re bad, but rather hate them because they don’t understand them and don’t want to try to understand; they would rather be stubborn and judgemental than understand that people have their own free will to do as they please, as long as they aren’t hurting anyone. 

    Later on in the book, Taichi’s classmate Mami confronts their friend Masumi about leaving her and Futaba on the bridge so abruptly, mentioning the look Masumi gave Futaba as she left. Mami asks Masumi if she is in love with Futaba and she tells her that if she did, Mami would never understand what it was like to be in her situation. They argue about how one another couldn’t possibly “know” how the other feels. Mami tells Masumi, “You keep saying that you’re different from everyone else. You insist that “normal people” can’t understand you. But really what you’re doing in just inventing a bunch of random “normal people” to not get you. If something is a little off, if every single last detail isn’t exactly the same to you, you’re instantly like “It’s different! You couldn’t possibly understand!” In the end… you’re the one looking down on others. You’re the one who isn’t even trying to understand.” Mami tries to explain to Masumi that all she does is brush people off by saying they wouldn’t understand how she feels, instead of trying to help them understand. Mami tells her she wants to be able to understand and she wants to know how it feels to better understand Masumi, but she won’t let her; she puts up her own barrier to stop anyone from understanding what it’s like to be in her shoes, all while saying that nobody understands her. 

    In Blue Flag volume 6, Mami asks to practice doing makeup on Touma’s face, which he agrees to. While sitting there, Mami says “I love you” to Touma. Initially, he is stunned and isn’t sure how to respond, but then she explains that she wishes he was a girl, or maybe she was a boy, and so that saying “I love you” wouldn’t have to be weird, and they could just be best friends without worries of being too affectionate or anyone complaining about it. Mami goes on to explain that this was brought up because Kensuke wouldn’t get over his feelings for her and that no matter how much she said she didn’t view him as more than a good friend, he continued to confess to her and beg her to date him. Mami tells Touma, “When I said “I love you,” it could really be just as a friend… I don’t want to get blamed because I don’t feel the same way back. That’s not fair. And I don’t want to have to feel guilty that I don’t either.” After rereading Blue Flag, I’ve realized that I relate to Mami more than I did before. She is always very adamant that she doesn’t want to be constantly treated like a girl, but more of equals with boys. Kensuke does everything he can to try and get her to like him back, but he never respects her wishes of wanting to stay friends. He always seems to treat her completely differently than other people just because she’s a girl. I’ve had a few times where someone confessed that they liked me, but I only saw them as a friend and it made it hard for me to be able to turn them down since they are close friends and that makes it much harder to tell them you don’t feel the same. Just as Mami explains, I wish that boys could be friends with girls the same way as boys are with each other because feelings can get in the way of being close friends, along with how others view their friendships. It causes so much unnecessary drama and issues for people who just want to be equal and friends without it being “weird.” 

    Another piece of media that really impacted me is the movie “A Silent Voice.” The story begins with Shoya Ishida, a high school student that is planning to take his own life, and beforehand decides to sell all of his possessions and give all of his money to his mother before he dies. He walks to a bridge, staring off into the sunset, considering his next move. He daydreams about himself, ready to fall into the water below until fireworks catch him off guard and he decides against his whole plan. Instead, he decides to go see his past elementary classmate, Shouko Nishimiya, to make amends for the past. They first met when Shouko transferred to Shoya’s elementary school. He soon realized that she was deaf and was unsure of how he should treat her. As Shouko is getting used to her classmates and new school, Shoya teases and bullies her, such as pushing her away from being friends with him and throwing her hearing aids out of the window several times. Eventually, Shouko transfers to a new school because of relentless teasing and bullying from her classmates. Despite all of this treatment, she stayed polite, always being kind and trying to be friendly with her classmates. Several years later, Shoya decides to come visit her in a separate classroom. He also brings along an old notebook of hers that was used to communicate with her classmates from several years ago. Shouko is stunned to see Shoya, unaware if she should be happy to see him, or run away and ignore him. She decides to run, and Shoya chases her down to return the notebook and ask how she’s been. Shouko is shocked to see him speak to her in sign language and they decide to start talking again, occasionally feeding bread to the carp. Throughout the movie, Shouko and Shoya reconnect with old classmates who try to make amends for their past mistakes and bad treatment. Eventually, it is brought up and revealed that when Shouko was bullied in elementary school, it was actually by Shoya. This causes a big rift in the new friendship, and they essentially break up the friend group. The only one to stay by Shoya’s side is Shouko, not understanding why everyone left upset. Towards the end of the movie, Shoya goes to a festival with Shouko and her family. Very abruptly, Shouko tells Shoya she’s going home to study at the beginning of the fireworks. Shoya is confused as to why she would be leaving so suddenly, but tells her he would see her later. Yuzuru, Shouko’s sister, asks Shoya soon after her sister heads home if he could run to their house and grab her camera after forgetting it. He accepts, and makes his way to their house to grab it. After entering the house, he sees Shouko standing out on the balcony, watching the fireworks. He goes to see what she’s up to and notices Shouko is slowly climbing up to the railing of the balcony. Still confused, Shoya starts making his way to her faster. She is standing on the ledge of the balcony, and Shoya realizes she’s about to jump. He begins to stumble and trip over the ground, rushing to get to her as soon as possible, unable to call out to her.

The scene cuts to an empty balcony, and then to Shoya grabbing Shouko’s wrist. He pulls her up over the railing, while he falls into the river below. Days later, Shoya is recovering in the hospital while Shouko received minor injuries and is free to go home. She waits days for him to wake up and tries making amends with the rest of the past friend group. In the middle of the night, they both decide to go to the bridge where they would feed carp together. By luck, they both find each other there, waiting for the other. Shouko apologizes for letting him get hurt because of her stupid mistake, and Shoya asks her to help him live and deal with himself better. By the end of the movie, they are at a school festival, reuniting and getting along with their friends. As Shoya looks around and his schoolmates and friends enjoying the festival, big X’s that cover any stranger’s face (symbolizing him not knowing or trusting them) begin to fall off of their faces and Shoya is finally able to learn how to be happy and a part of society around him. He no longer feels like an outsider in his environment. 

    A Silent Voice helped me understand the importance of making amends with people from your past, whether it is just as a formality or a way of apologizing. It also shows that even people that seem to be the worst can change over time and grow to become a better person. Making up for your past also isn’t always smooth sailing either. There are always going to be ups and downs that make it much harder to achieve your goals; however, you shouldn’t let that deter you from becoming the best version of yourself. Just keep at it, be conscious of how you treat others, and don’t make the same mistakes that you first regretted. It can be hard to change the way you act or treat others, but by making progress to better yourself, it will always be worth it. Being kind is always the best route when it comes to being a good, respectable person.

    The last series I want to mention is Neon Genesis Evangelion. On the surface, Evangelion is about Shinji Ikari, who is abruptly forced to pilot an Eva- a massive robotic fighting machine that fends off aliens called Angels that threaten the Earth’s safety. Shinji deals with a lot of resentment against his father, the commander of NERV, for hating him as a child and neglecting to be a father to him. Shinji is always hesitant to pilot the Eva because of the immense dependency others have on him, trusting him to protect Japan with no experience is very daunting. He also has to navigate life with his fellow pilots, hot-headed Asuka Langley, and emotionless Rei Ayanami. While a lot of the show is about Shinji learning to pilot the Eva, it also tends to come back to the theme of identity very often, especially in the last two episodes. The last episodes dig really deep into the main characters’ mind and the way they think and feel. Shinji is very unsure of what makes him himself. He struggles with understanding what his “true self” is compared to his “fake self” and what makes a person themselves. I was really able to really relate to his lack of understanding of what it means to be a person. Everyone has a personality, but what is it? What makes a person different from all others? There are many times that I feel as if I’m not my own person, and that there are hundreds of versions of “me” that exist in people’s minds; but who knows the “real” me? It feels as though someone’s value comes down to how others perceive them and the value that they assign them. Without others in our own world, our sense of self would cease to exist because we would have no way of comparing ourselves to others. Our entire identity relies on our environment and how others perceive us. In episode 26, Shinji is speaking to his own mind about what makes him himself and says, “Everything is merely a description, not the real “myself.” Everything is simply a shape, a form, and identifier to let others recognize me as me. But then… What am I? Is this me? My true self? My fake self? What is it that I am?” Rei then speaks inside his mind as well and responds with, “You are you. There is little difference between how you interpret yourself and how others interpret you.” Shinji goes on to list things that identify him as himself, such as his shoes, his clothes, and his rooms. They are all part of what makes him his own person. Shinji’s coworker and guardian Misato Katsuragi explains to him in his mind that, “The only one who can take care of you and understand you is you, yourself.”

    Rei is mostly seen as emotionless and calm, willing to do anything to gain Commander Ikari’s praise. She is often called a doll by Asuka for the way she acts for his acceptance. She fears being forgotten and useless to others, especially Ikari. Rei feels as though she is not a real person, and that so many different versions of her exist, yet all of them are not real, something made up by Ikari. Who she is has been forged over time and varies depending on her experiences with others, and that who she has been up until now could slip away, that version of her becoming nonexistent. Rei feels as though if she doesn’t actively exist in someone’s presence, she would cease to be real, supporting the fact she doesn’t understand her own identity as a person.

    Asuka on the other hand is very hot headed and always tries to show off. She constantly wants to appear more mature and independent than she truly is, which reflects how she is scared to be alone. She craves acceptance and praise from others while still being on her own so that she can prove she doesn’t need anyone else’s help. At a young age, her mother hated her and called her an evil child. This triggered a feeling of hatred towards people who pity her and try to help her. Asuka fears being alone, yet pushes away anyone who wants to comfort her. She also wants to be more grown up, and to be seen as an adult, not treated like a kid. She wants to do things adults do so she looks more mature and independent. 

While lots of Evangelion is filled with fighting, internal conflict, and the inability to  understand your identity, along with lots and lots of symbolism, the true theme is take care of yourself. Understanding your identity and that everything that exists as you is the real you can be very hard to wrap your mind around, but the way that Evangelion executes it is very well done and leaves most viewers wondering about it for weeks after finishing the show. Many of the characters and the way they feel is very relatable for viewers and helps establish a connection between the two. 

Overall, I hope that my writing has inspired others or helped change the way they think and view things. These different series made me reconsider the way I think about many things, and are very dear to me due to the fact that they have left a big impression on me. I’ve been able to take the things that have hurt and affected me in my life and compare them to media that have closely resembled parts of my life, and then try to come up with a solution to help fix the way I feel and think. Obviously fictional stories won’t be the same as real life, but many aspects of said stories can be closely related to many people’s own experiences.