“I, I don’t care what anybody else
thinks – lies (haha!)

I do not need nobody to help me – lies

I kinda feel guilty ’cause I’m wealthy; why?

I don’t understand, it’s got me questionin’ like, ‘Why?’”

When I first started high school I didn’t have any of my same friends from middle school and wanted a change, so I started with a change of music. The music I usually listened to included Shawn Mendes, Selena Gomez, Broadway soundtracks, and even some Disney here and there. I needed something I could listen to and feel like the artist understood me and what I was going through. During the first week of school, a friend introduced me to Nathan Feuerstein, an American Christian rapper with three albums: “Mansion,” “Therapy Session,” and his most recent, “Perception.” I thought for sure I wouldn’t like his music. But from the first song I heard – “Real” from his album “Therapy Session” – I was hooked.

The song starts off slowly, with piano accompaniment. Then NF starts rapping slowly: “Somebody get the body bags …” which makes you wonder what is going on. Further into the song, he speeds up, explaining that everyone thinks he’s not right in the head and that his last album was emotionally heavy because he had to express his anxiety, depression, and life events he has experienced. In the middle of his song he says, “If God isn’t real, then real isn’t.” I found this message extremely powerful because sometimes, especially as a Christian, I don’t know how to respond when someone tells me God isn’t real. But here is NF telling all of his listeners what he believes. This line gives me a new respect for NF as he stands up for his beliefs and for what he loves.

“Real” ends with NF explaining that “[he] stands out because [he] wears [his] garbage” so that “every time [he] looks in the mirror [he won’t] forget about where he started.” By garbage, he means that he wears his emotions on his face and his garbage is the baggage from challenges he has endured.

The album’s second song, “Outcast,” starts with the sound of chains moving in the background as NF raps, “Woke up in a cell where am I at? … Doors locked, but the keys are in my hands … Hm, yeah, that’s weird, it doesn’t make sense, does it …” Here, and throughout his entire album, he explains how his depression traps him inside his own mind, and only he can let himself out.

My favorite song by NF so far is “Why,” which isn’t part of any album. In this song, Nathan goes back and forth between why he does not want anyone to know he’s vulnerable, why he always pushes away the people he loves most. A few lines later, however, he says he doesn’t care what anybody else thinks – lies, he doesn’t need anybody to help him – lies.

This song is so relatable because we always want to put up this perfect front for other people. Why can’t we show our vulnerabilities to each other – why does that make us so uncomfortable? Why do we push away the people who love us most when we are going through something hard? Isn’t that when we need them the most? Then we all try to have this “I don’t care” vibe around people because that’s what seems “cool” when really we all care. Why are we lying to ourselves and others?

Nathan Feuerstein is an amazing rapper who can give you some support when you are going through trials and feel as though no one understands what you are going through. Before you judge him because he is either a Christian or a rapper – or both – I strongly encourage you to give him a listen. Listen carefully to the words – you might be surprised.