I want you but I can't have you 

I'm Carla Reyes, I just moved from England to New Jersey for my mom's job. I'm going into my junior year of high school and my first day of school is tomorrow. I'm nervous and scared to start a new school. What if people don’t like me? What if people laugh at me for having an accent? I start to take deep breaths telling myself that everything is going to be okay. I decided to go to sleep since I have to wake up early the next morning.  

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! I hear my alarm go off. It's 6.30 in the morning and I get up and start getting ready for school. I go downstairs and see my mom cooking chocolate chip pancakes, my favorite. “Good morning mother” “Good morning sweetie, you excited for today” she asks me. “I'm getting nervous people won't like me” I tell her. “Who wouldn’t like you, you're the sweetest person ever, now hurry and eat it is getting late.” I finish up and we head to the car. I start playing music to calm my nerves. Were right around the corner. I can see the school already, I try to take deep breaths. “Have a good day sweetie”. She tells me as I get out of the car. I headed inside and I introduced myself to the front office lady. She tells me about a kid who will be showing me around the school. I saw a boy walk in. He was the cutest boy I've seen. Dark brown hair, hazel eyes, And muscular. “Oh hey Angel this is Carla and you're going to be showing her around the school” the lady in the desk says. The boy doesn’t say a word, just nods his head. He led the way to my classes, he didn’t say much, just a few “here your class” and “just follow me”.  

It was finally lunch time and I sat at an empty table since I knew nobody. A few minutes later 3 girls came up to me. “So, you’re the new girl” girl number one says. “We saw you walking with angel what's all that about?” girl number two says. “He’s known for breaking girls hearts you don’t want to mess with him.” girl number 3 says. I finally get a chance to respond, “I don’t even know him like that, he just showed me around the school.” “Really then why has he been staring at you for the past 5 minutes.” Girl number two says I finally turn and once I look at him, he immediately looks down. “Anyways I'm Jennifer, that's Karina and Rachel, we're giving you a warning now Angel is known for breaking hearts don’t get too close to him.” Guys i’m not interested in a relationship, I'm just trying to focus on school right now.” I respond to them. The bell for the nest period rings and to my luck I have Angel in that class. The only seat left was in the front corner of the room and Angel sat in the back corner. While I was doing work I got a tap on my shoulder, I turned and the guy behind me handed me a note. I open it and inside it said “You’re cute-A" I turned, and Angel just smiled and winked at me. I can feel myself getting red, not even done with my first day of school and  i'm already having a crush on the bad boy of the school.

Finally, it’s the end of the school day, I hop into the car. “How was your day sweetie?” she asks. “It was okay, not as bad as I thought, just tired and want to go to sleep already,” I responded. I do my original routine: I eat, shower and get ready for bed. I couldn’t sleep the whole night. The note by Angel kept me awake but I knew I shouldn’t think of it too much. I don't even know him like that plus the girls had said he was a player. I try to get as much rest as I can for the next day of school. It has been the same routine for the past few weeks. I walk to class then go to lunch. The girls sat with me, and I went through the day as usual. Ever since I got the note, he hasn’t talked nor looked at me. I was sitting in class, and I got another tap on my shoulder and the same kid gave me another note. I opened the note and it said, “meet me by the bleachers outside. -A”. I look back at him confused, he didn’t talk to me for weeks now out of nowhere he wants to meet up. Finally, the bell rings and I go to the bleachers, and I start to see Angel leaning against them. “hey” Angels says. “Hi,” I said, confused. “I'm sorry for kind of going ghost on you last time, you make me feel butterflies every time I see you and I've just never felt like this, so I had to back away for a little and really think what I want.” he tells me. “I really don’t know what you want me to say, people have been telling me stuff about you.” I tell him “Just give me a chance to prove the things people have been telling you wrong, at least get to know me first.” He says in a desperate tone. I stand there thinking for a second “fine” I finally give in. “Thank you” he says with a smile as the last bell of the day rings and he kisses me on the head without saying anything else and just leaves. I stood there for a second dumbfounded, I felt my whole face get red like a tomato. I lay in bed, I started wondering if I really wanted to continue to know who the real Angel was. I told myself coming into the school that I needed to focus on school and school only. The next 2 weeks were okay for me and Angel, we started talking more as the days went by. There were some days where he acted a little distant, but I didn’t think anything of it. During lunch the girls would always sit with me, and I'll tell them everything that happens. “I think I have a deep crush on Angel.” I blur it out. Their girls' faces were as pale as a ghost. “Carla what have you done?” Jennifer says. “We’ve told you want one austere thing to never catch feelings for him because he breaks girl's hearts” Karina adds to that I know but I've gotten to know him and he's not that bad.  

Next week there was going to be a football game and Angel had asked me to come. I get there and we just watch the game for a while. He tells me that he'll be right back. I sat there alone for a while waiting for him to come back. After a while I hear my name get yelled and I turn. I felt myself melt like ice cream, I saw Angel holding a sign asking me to be his girlfriend. I obviously said yes and ran up to him. I felt like the happiest girl in the world. We started to hang out every day after school, things were going so great for us. He would sit with me, Rachel, Karina and jennifer. I was so happy that I decided to tell my mom about him. “He makes me feel so happy, I've never felt like this before” I tell my mother. “If you really like him so much, I want to meet him, I want to meet the boy that makes my little baby this happy.” It’s the day before Christmas break and we’re at our lunch table. “My mom wants to meet you.” I tell Angel. He starts to choke on his food and me and the girls laugh at his shockness “I've never met anyone's parents. What should I do?” He says in a panic, I laugh. “It's okay just be yourself, you're an autonomous person she’ll like you.” “You'll be coming over this weekend for dinner.” I say as the bell rings and kiss him on the cheek saying goodbye.

Finally, it’s the weekend, today’s the day Angel and my mother meet. I'm setting up the table with my mom. “I'm excited to meet this boy of yours” my mom says, right as she finishes the doorbell rings. “He’s here” I say out of excitement. I opened the door and let him in. I brought out the food and as I came out of the kitchen, I saw my mom with a smile on her face talking to Angel. “Here’s the food” I say “Thank you” both my mom and Angel respond. “So, what have you guys been talking about.” “Nothing much” my mom says in a weird tone. We got to eat and there was nothing but laughter the rest of the night. It was time for Angel to leave “Thank you for coming tonight to meet my mom she was excited to meet you today.” “Anything to make you happy my love plus I had fun meeting your mother you guys are so much alike. Well, I must get going thank you for tonight,” He kisses my forehead and’ leaves. “He’s a nice boy, I like him, I want to know what you like about him.” my mom asks me “I like everything about, he always makes me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.” I told her, I could feel myself blushing just by talking about him. I go up to my room I get ready for bed as usual start falling asleep just think of what happened today. I get to school, happy to see Angel after a long weekend. As soon as I walk into the classroom, I see him and another girl being flirty with each other. I ignore it and go on with my day. We didn’t talk all day every time ill see him he’ll be with the other who I didn’t even know. Once I walk outside at the end of the school day I see him and that girl kiss. I felt like my whole heart shattered, I ran out to my mom's car crying. “What's wrong honey” “Nothing I just want to go home.” I say in a desperate tone. I ran to my room as soon as I got home. I ripped every single photo of him. I was devastated, I never knew he would do something like this. I lay in my bed all night crying, I felt so capricious. I jumped out of my bed, drained in sweat. I felt my heartbeat like I just ran a marathon. I looked around my room and everything was clean. I realized it was all a dream.  

The next day everything was not going so well. Angel was acting a little distant. I thought back to the dream a few times throughout that day. This was my first relationship, and I didn’t want to end up heartbroken. Occasionally I try not to overthink about Angel being distant since we did have a test coming up, maybe he needed to study or something. The Angel I met was a really benign person to be around with, I don’t think he'll ever think about hurting me. As time went on, I noticed he became more distant and drier towards me. We'll have our good days but most of the days he would be a mean person, like he was losing interest in me. 

I tried to meet up with him after school. I walk into the school parking lot and my heart breaks. I saw him with another girl holding hands, just like in mt dream. He notices me run away and he runs after me. “It's not what it looks like, I swear. “Done even try to lie to me I saw yall, I knew I should've known it was all a lie” I yell at him. “ Please i'll make it up to you, don’t leave me please. I love you.” I froze. That was the first time he's ever told me that he loves me. “No you don’t if you really had love for me, you wouldn’t have broken my heart.” I leave without saying another word. I went home so disappointed in myself. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten in that relationship all for it to go to waste. At night I'll stay up thinking about all the happy memories and where it went wrong. I cried and cried. I was so in love with him, I introduced him to my mom. My mom even thought he was good to me. I don’t know where it went wrong 

 For the next 2 months all he'll try to do is talk to me. It took me a lot of focusing to not let anything get to me. The first few days when I come  back to school i'll cry. I spent my lunch time in the restroom. I wanted him but I couldn't have him. It was what was best for me and for him. I'm not good enough for him. As much as it hurt, I had to let  him go for good. The girls would come over after school and help me get over him. My mom would take me shopping and get food. “I think i'm getting over him. It's still a little heartbroken but I can feel myself getting better.” i say. “That's good, I'm proud of you” Karina responds to me.

Time flies by so fast it was the last day of school already. After the whole incident ive never talked to Angel and he never tries to talk to me. It was the last class of the year. Me and the girls were planning on going to eat after school ended. Itv was time to go and me and the girls were eating. We talked and just had a good time. It was late at night and we were all heading home. “How are you feeling Carla?” Rachel asks me. “I'm actually feeling better, I guess not all stories have a happy ending.” I say with a giggle as I get out of the car. I lay in my bed thinking about everything that has happened  the past year. Things always happen for a reason. Not all things are meant to be.