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The Life of Carter
Carter was the type of person who would always be herself, no matter what other people would say. She was a beautiful woman who was extremely successful for someone who dropped out of high school at age sixteen. Carter had never been one of those girls who went to parties, made out with random boys, or did anything that could potentially get her in trouble. Going to high school was the only thing that strongly impacted her life in a negative way. It's the reason why she hid behind her silky black hair when she saw someone she knew. It was the reason her confidence was so low and her anxiety was so high. After her sophomore year, Carter never had anyone to sit with at lunch, or laugh with in the hallway. Instead, she would cover her face with a book. Reading was the only way she could escape from reality. Except in high school, reality wasn't real at all. Reality was filled with fake blondes and cakey faces.
In her freshmen year, she was confident, always laughing, and was referred to as popular. She had many friends who she thought could keep her secrets and have her back. She never could figure out the reason why she was so popular or had so many admirers.
She had one especially creepy admirer named Ben. Rumors were always being tossed around at school that he carried a gun on him because he was convinced “the aliens were going to take his life.” He was in Carter’s chemistry class, and after staring at her for at least half of the 78 minute class, he would pass her notes. The notes would always be compliments on the way she smelled, or how curly her hair looked. And on the back of the torn lined papers, would be drawings of aliens. Carter would try to avoid it, but the notes kept piling up, and they weren't stopping, so she switched out of that class.
In Carter's eyes she was just an average girl; except she wore button up shirts and flared jeans instead of small shirts that barely covered her skin like the other girls did. As a freshman, Carter's group of friends would always tell her about boys checking her out and calling her hot. But the thing was, Carter never even looked at boys, she thought they were disgusting and inhuman. That's it. That's the reason why she got butterflies when she saw girls walk by in the hallway. That's also the reason why she went from living any teenage girl's fantasy to living every teenage girl's worst nightmare.
On the first day of sophomore year, Carter thought it would be a new year with a fresh start. She went the whole Summer thinking about the feelings she had for girls, and she thought it would be a great idea to come out to her friends. So she finally gained the guts to tell her friends that she was a lesbian. She walked through the big metal doors that were the gateways to judgement. Carter walked to where her friends' lockers were, slowly in her brown leather boots that clicked as her heels touched the dusty tiled floor. There were only two things on her mind; The sound of clicking, and the sound of her clique laughing, both echoing down the hallway, and through her ears. She fiddled with the string on her backpack until she was standing in front of the group of girls. The girls were wearing skin tight skirts with tops that left their shoulders exposed. Carter made small talk, which was very difficult because after that small talk was over, she knew that meant she would have to tell them. About 10 minutes after the back and forth compliments between the girls, and right before the first bell rang that symbolized the first class or sophomore year, Carter opened her mouth. And she knew, as soon as the word "lesbian" slipped out of her red glossy lips, she wished she hadn't. The looks the girls gave her were a mixture of disgust and confusion. The sound of laughing filled the long hall, and terrorized the poor girl who only wanted people to understand her. The poor girl who went to sleep with a smile across her beautiful freckled cheeks, thinking the next day would be easy. That poor girl who strived for perfect day but failed to get it. The poor girl who had tears washing away her black eyeliner that she took fifteen minutes that morning to do perfectly. That poor girl who woke up three hours before the bus came so that she could match her socks with her hair tie. It was the first day of sophomore year, and she really wished it was the last.
She went the entire year sitting by herself, watching her old friends pass by as the seasons did. Fall; she was made fun of. Winter; she was alone, and her anxiety was taking the best of her. Spring; Carter thought she could get through the rest of the year.
But one day in April, she had enough. She walked through the long, white hallway on her way to her locker so she could drop her gym bag off before geometry class. She realized people were looking at her. Students were staring, whispering to their friends and laughing. Carter tried to ignore it, but she was forced to face it when she got to her locker labeled 1042. As she opened the squeaky, grey door, cut-outs of words filled the shadows of the two foot deep locker. The words clearly described Carter, so not for a second did she think someone had mistaken her locker for someone else's. "Nobody likes you. You're a loser. Where are you friends? Slut. Lesbian. Gross. You're disgusting. Why do you go here? Nobody likes you." Carter kept reading the hurtful words and phrases over and over again as they spun through her head. But nothing compared to the feeling when she read a post it note hanging from the top shelf that read, "Go kill yourself." Carter didn't care who was looking at her or how many people were laughing at the words in the locker, she lost it. "Who did this?" she yelled as tears ran down her red cheeks that weren't red from being embarrassed, but from being infuriated. Carter had held her feelings in for the whole year, so when she had the chance to get them out, she took it. "What is wrong with all of you? You're telling me to kill myself because of who I like. You're bullying me and making me feel bad about myself when it's you people who should feel bad. You don't understand what it's like to walk in here everyday and see people you used to call your best friends, walk right by you. Go to hell!" Carter slammed her locker shut which created a noise so loud that startled the crowd around her. She grabbed her backpack, wiped the tears from her eyes, as if that would stop them from coming. She then turned around and started to run away from the eyes watching her have a meltdown. But she was stopped by a tall a chest in a black suit. "Carter, come with me to my office." Carter followed the principal to a room she had never been in before. She sat down in a chair that he pointed to. She waited what it seemed like hours, until he came back with someone walking behind him with a look of worry across her face. It was her mom. That day, Carter left school, and she never went back.
She began taking classes online, and through Monday until Friday she would have a tutor stop by the house. Everyday, she couldn't stop thinking about what the students did to her and said to her. She read at least one book everyday, so she could try to forget her past; But after the story was over she was faced with reality. She couldn't stop thinking about how she was friendless, how the people who bullied her were doing fine, when they didn't deserve to be fine. Carter began worrying about her future, how she could ever trust someone again, or how she could ever find someone to love her. Her mother noticed the worry in her ocean blue eyes, and called a doctor who then prescribed her medication for anxiety, which didn't help at all. It caused her to lose hours of sleep and it made her become depressed. By the age of 19, Carter was taking a gap year from all of the online school classes, before she could even think about college. She needed to get out there and "make friends" as her mom would tell her. "Maybe even meet a pretty girl who has the same interest in you," she would always say. Carter knew she was right, and she hated it. But one day she woke up with an unusual amount of hope that peeked out of her white smile. That night, she planned, she would go to a club that was advertised online, that was only for single women of the LGBT community.
Carter walked out of her house, for the first time in over a year, looking more beautiful than she ever had. She wore a long, blue, silk dress that flowed as she took a step. She had her hair pinned up in a slightly messy braid that showed off the brown streaks in her black hair. But that wasn't the prettiest thing she wore that night, her smile was. Carter was happy, because she felt as if there was a reason why she was going. She had hope to find love, and she was about to.
She walked through the metal doors of a blue building with walls that held hundreds of people similar to Carter. Carter wasn't nervous, or felt the need to hide, as she knew everything would be okay. Even if she didn't meet a pretty girl, she at least would make new friends. But something caught her eye, in the same moment that the heavy door pushed wind across her porcelain skin. In the same moment that her dress brushed against her leg. In the same moment that she took step into the building where words couldn't be detected from a conversation someone was having in front of her. Someone caught her eye. Someone beautiful with wavy red hair that fell ever so gently across her face and down to her shoulders. Carter felt drawn to her as if they were both magnets. She had to walk over there. “Hi,” Carter said with a shy smile on her blushing cheeks, “Is this seat taken?” The girl turned slightly and made eye contact with Carter, and that moment Carter would never forget. They stared into eachother’s eyes for a only a split second, but it seemed like minutes. Hers were green eyes that you could get lost so easily in. They were a distraction. A distraction from the laughter in the room and the smell of perfume. A distraction from all of Carter’s past. Carter knew she was going to get lost, but she didn't care. The girl shook her head as her loose curls moved left to right, as if in slow motion. She couldn't stop looking at Carter and she couldn't stop smiling. She had a constant look of interest on her face. “Oh I'm sorry, I forgot! Amy. My name is Amy.” “My name is Carter. It's a boy’s name but I promise I am a girl.” They both laughed as Amy stirred her glass of ginger ale with a plastic straw. “What's your story as to why you're here?” Amy asked. “Well my mom wants me to get out there and start dating. I don't know I just need to find someone who will accept me for who I am, who will stay by my side and…” Carter looked up, realizing that she sounded crazy. She didn't even know this girl and she was about to tell her whole life story. That was the outcome of going a year without talking to people. But before Carter could apologize, Amy stopped her. “I'm looking for the same. I want something real, I'm looking for someone who will still treat me the same no matter what the situation is. Also, I want to get married in ten years. I have my future all laid out, I just need someone to just help me live it.” Carter laid her head upon her hand and just looked into her big green eyes. “You're beautiful.” The words slipped out of Carter’s red lips, and it wasn't a mistake. Amy pushed her fiery hair behind her pierced ears, and began smiling. “You're honestly the prettiest girl I've seen in years. And I saw Beyoncé in concert a few a weeks ago.”
That night was perfect. It changed Carter’s perspective on life. It gave her something to look forward to, and Amy was all that was on her mind. Whenever Carter would close her eyes she would envision Amy's long eyelashes. Before she would fall asleep at night, she would replay the moment their lips touched for the first time on their third date. Carter was in love.
Amy was a twenty one year old makeup artist, who didn't need money since her father was a lawyer, yet she worked for fun. Every dollar she made, she gave to people around her. She was generous, funny, intelligent and pure. Carter fell deeper and deeper in love with that girl after every word that flowed smoothly out of Amy's glossy lips. They eventually decided to move in together and after being engaged for three years, they had a beautiful wedding on the day that marked ten years after the day they met.
Fifteen years later, Carter opened an envelope in the mail that was written in purple ink. Amy looked at it as she ate her pancakes like she usually did before she went to work. "What's that Carter?" She asked as Carter's fingers ripped through the paper. She pulled out a paper. An invitation. It was an invitation to her class's high school reunion. "It's for my High school reunion.." Carter said quietly. Carter forgot about high school, because that didn't matter to her, all that did was Amy, and how successful they had become. Carter looked around her condo with the walls painted white, and the rooms filled with Pottery Barn furniture. She looked back and her eyes met with Amy's. She still had the same look on her face as the day Carter first met her. The same look Carter fell in love with. At that moment, Carter realized how much time has passed, how much things had changed, and how great her life was. She had a job. She had a wife. She was happy. "Let's go." The words flew out of Carter's mouth with excitement. Amy choked on her orange juice as she raised her eyebrows. "Are you sure you want to? I mean.." Carter interrupted, "Amy I want to show those people how much I've changed and how proud I am to be me. Also I want to show you off, it will really make them mad. It’s on October nineteenth, that's two weeks away, so start looking for dresses online." Amy smiled then kissed Carter goodbye on her way out the door. "See you at seven then!" Amy yelled through the closing door.
It was October 19, 2015. Carter was about to open the same doors of judgment except on a different building. She walked hand in hand with her beautiful wife, and as they walked through the doors, Carter shined brighter than a diamond. She walked with her head high and her smile across her face. Everyone had to look. Not just because she was the most beautiful girl in the room, but because on her dress, was a pin that read "Lesbian." And as everyone read that pin, the sound of clapping began to fill the air. She looked around the room filled with wrinkled faces of the people she was once close to.
The clapping and cheering came to a stop. It was stopped by a terrifying sound. The sound of a man screaming. Carter grabbed Amy’s hand and turned her body to the left. Her hair danced her way over to her right shoulder. All of the happiness and pride left Carter’s body. People were screaming and evacuating the building as a silver gun was pointed at Amy’s head. Carter recognized the man behind the gun. The man had gray shaggy hair and his face hasn't aged since high school. It was Ben. The same Ben that wrote her creepy letters about how he loves the smell of her. The same Ben who was known to carry guns to school. The psychotic Ben that believed aliens were going to invade. Carter knew she would only have a second until he would pull the trigger. And so she did what any other person with a heart would do. She dropped her glass of red wine on the ground as she took a leap in front of her beautiful wife with the fiery hair and bright green eyes. The last thing she saw, before her life was taken away from her many years too soon, was Amy. The Amy she fell in love with. The Amy that changed her life. The Amy she would never wake up next to again. The Amy she would never cook breakfast for again. The Amy she would never be able to kiss again. Three men charged toward Ben in hopes of trying to stop him from shooting, but they were too late. They were a split second too late from stopping the gun and saving an innocent soul. 0.0537 seconds too late. The last thing that Carter heard before she fell to the ground were the words “the aliens made you gay. I'm helping you. The aliens made me do it.” And then everything went black.
And that is how she departed from that world and came here. Now you might be wondering where that is, and well, here is heaven. Carter lived a short life, but she experienced something many people will never have the chance to. She found love. Love is the purpose of life. It is why I have created all of you. To love each other, and love me. Don't bully others because they're different, your differences are what make you unique. Learn from Carter’s story and remember that nothing lasts forever. I have a plan for you, believe me.
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