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If You Look Deeper Within My Walls

April 22, 2013
By kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
More by this author
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The things that walk out when we open our minds." -Dylan McCoy

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Oh hello there dear wall
I'm glad we finally meet
I've been meaning to reach you lately
And I'm happy we can speak.
We've been friends for quite some time now
Though I fear you're my only one
And the more I think about it
My insanity has begun.
I know that if you're listening
You strongly disagree
But my thoughts are flooded throughout my brain
And keep on pushing me.
Oh please oh please dear wall
Protect me from myself
I feel as if I'm loosing and
I desperately need help.
Wall, you've always been here
You support me with no doubt
But the ghost are reaching for me
And I'm slowly slipping out.
My friend, I thought I'd warn you
My soul is just so weak
I'm afraid ill have to leave you
When through the floor I finally sink
Dear wall, do not have pity
We knew this day would come
It doesn't mean I'm dying
It just means my life is done.
Don't worry when I'm gone
I trust that you'll be here
Supporting this foundation
To which my heart I will hold near.
Oh wall, I must be cut short
My time is over now
A single tear I will shed
But one from you I won't allow.
So thanks for always listening
And always standing tall
I constantly leaned upon you
And you helped me not to fall.
What's that, you have a secret?
One you really need to tell?
Then hurry, darling wall,
Since I'm not feeling well.
You stare at me with dead eyes,
A cold feeling in the air,
And my breath is almost gone
But I'm not sure if you care.
You're silent but I see it,
You've always hated me!
Oh please wall tell me what's wrong
Before I have to leave.
But instead you start to cave in,
Another tear escapes my eye,
Them you fastly crash upon me
And I'm certain I will die.
Betrayal fills my heart,
How did I miss this frame?
Yet my death is not a tragedy
Since I'm the one to blame.
Shaking, I try to escape,
But you hold me to the ground.
I close my damp eyes waiting
I'll be dead before I'm found.
So here's to all the moments
When I thought that someone cared
The moments I believed we had something
Special that we shared.
But a wall is just a symbol
An imaginary friend
And he was waiting for my slow demise
When my life would finally end.

© Travis K., Phoenix, AZ

The author's comments:
it's hard to tell my story, my poem, my work. this poem isn't just something I wrote for school, not something I wrote for fun or because I had to. I wrote the poem because I wanted to show my emotions...my entire wall of them.
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This article has 20 comments.

Nightingale74 PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 11 2015 at 12:00 pm
Nightingale74 PLATINUM, Beavercreek, Ohio
46 articles 0 photos 152 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;When you need something to believe in, believe in yourself.&quot;<br /> &quot;A poem unwritten is only a thought; unshared, unsaid...&quot;

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...I honestly don't understand how this wasn't published, or at least given editor's choice. Because this poem is INCREDIBLE! Gosh, there was so much raw emotion...I honestly felt the betrayal and hurt of the speaker. Your take on the stereotypical symbol of a wall was incredibly unique...how the speaker first thought of the wall as their closest friend, someone they could always lean on and count on to support them, only to be betrayed by this "friend," and finally come to realize that walls only keep true friends and support at bay...I loved it! Please keep writing...I enjoy reading your work :)
Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER said...
on Mar. 3 2015 at 8:06 pm
Ariel_Fluffyy SILVER, Los Angeles, California
7 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;You May Encounter Many Defeats But You Must Not Be Defeated&quot; By- Dr. Maya Angelou

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WOW! im speechless! This is the most amazing piece i have read. The emotions the impact of how your words come together is beautiful. Its like i am right there with you watching and sometimes im like this is me the feelings match with me. once again Amazing JOb!!!
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on Aug. 4 2013 at 5:31 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

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Thank you! I see my errors, my iPad doesn't always type what I think it's typing, but I'm glad you could understand
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on Aug. 4 2013 at 5:30 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

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Thank you so, so much. I'm really touched that you like it, I was so reluctant to ever even show this poem... The fact that so many people have commented and rated it makes me so so happy. Thank you for reading this, I'm super thankful you did
Court901 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 27 2013 at 3:10 pm
Court901 BRONZE, Magnolia, Texas
4 articles 0 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Imagniation is not a talent of some people, but it is the health of every person&quot; -Ralph Waldo Emerson

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This is my favorite of all of your work.Your rhymes weren't forced and that's hard to do and still keep the poem flowing nicely. There is one line, however, I feel should either be reworded or fixed somehow to help with the rhythm, "To which my heart I will hold near". Another thing, it is lacking punctuation in some places that it's needed in. Other than that, great message and word choice.
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 18 2013 at 7:21 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light&quot; --Dylan Thomas

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SO SORRY SCREWY COMPUTER!! Now to finish my comment.. I can relate to this. That terrible feeling that no one is there for you and then the one person you believ just goes away. Friends are tricky things. The descriptions displayed in here where spot on and i never wanted it to end. The rhyming was beautiful and perfect and flowed wonderfully. Lexus Marie sent me here an god am i glad that she did. This is truly and exceptional poem that will soon be in my favorites. This poem holds so much talent. I was reading the comments and it sounded as though you made all of us cry. You are truly an exceptional person and i can sense that just from your work. This is amazing. And please, never feel that you have no one to lean on because you have us, your teenink family. This was amazing and inspirational and i loved every minute. Please never stop writing an rockin
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 18 2013 at 7:15 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light&quot; --Dylan Thomas

View profile
Kiki, if i were an editor, I would have put this in the magazine. The emotion displayed in here made my heart stop, my eyes water and my throught ose
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on Jun. 13 2013 at 12:39 am
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

View profile
Oh my goodness. That means so much to me, this poem holds so many emotions and every time someone comments I just feel overwhelmed with relief and joy. I wish more people could see this, more people could relate like you did and all the other people who have commented or rated. Your favorite part is one of the hardest part for me to read out loud, I always choke in certain parts and that's such a difficult piece of it. I'm glad someone sees the emotion just built into those thirteen words!
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM said...
on Jun. 10 2013 at 4:02 am
CookieMonster24 PLATINUM, Delhi, Other
25 articles 2 photos 147 comments
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Kiki, I'm in love with your work. I loved the lines "Yet my death is not a tragedy/ Since I'm the one to blame"  I love your style, you're an inspiration to me. I envy you. This piece reminded me of someone that I'd left far behind. This piece made me cry. It kind of made me realize what they would be going through . How easily we forget them. How forgettable they are to us, and how easily they are ignored.  I just love this piece. I look forward to reading more of your works. Never stop writing. You're one of the best poets I've come across. Thank you for writing this.
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on Jun. 7 2013 at 9:19 am
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

View profile
Thank you NTB, that means a lot to me! You most definitely are an outstanding poet, and inspire me so much. It's an honor to be called that by you (:
Not_too_bad BRONZE said...
on Jun. 6 2013 at 11:07 pm
Not_too_bad BRONZE, San Marcos, California
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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This poem is absolutely beautiful, and when you've read it, even when choking back the emotions it still shows as an amazing poem, and though i used to think i was an outstanding poet, you most definitely raised the bar, far above my head.
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on May. 26 2013 at 12:03 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

View profile
Thank you Leny, I am really lucky to hear that from you. You're an amazing poet and inspire me a lot. I am even more jealous of YOU (:
LenyLyssophobia SILVER said...
on May. 25 2013 at 12:53 pm
LenyLyssophobia SILVER, Carlsbad, California
5 articles 0 photos 3 comments
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Kiki, you are in my mind, the best poet ever. You are my favorite poet. Seriously. But coming from that, I honestly could not be more jealous of you.
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on May. 25 2013 at 12:03 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

View profile
Thank you so much! And yes, auto correct absolutely hates me!
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on May. 25 2013 at 12:02 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

View profile
Thank you so much Dylan! I am so thankful that you like it. This poem has so many emotions built into it, that sometimes I'm afraid I've over done it. Thankfully, I have yet to hear that.
kikixkupkake GOLD said...
on May. 25 2013 at 12:01 pm
kikixkupkake GOLD, San Marcos, California
17 articles 0 photos 92 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The things that walk out when we open our minds.&quot; -Dylan McCoy

View profile
This comment literally made me cry. I am so honored that you think of my poem this way. When I wrote this poem, I was desperately afraid nobody would like it. I thought people would think of me as strange, a freak perhaps. But when I see or read or hear that someone actually LIKES this, I feel completely special and want to continue as a poet. It is people like you who make me feel like I'm not just writing to vent, but I'm writing to relate.
Mckay ELITE said...
on May. 9 2013 at 2:22 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2230 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.&quot;<br /> &mdash;Apple&rsquo;s &ldquo;Think Different&rdquo; commercial, 1997<br /> &ldquo;Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn&#039;t understood.&rdquo; <br /> ― Weihui Zhou

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Very emotional. I feel it all throughout. I love that beginning. Addressing the reader. It's great. Few typos scattered here and there. But they don't matter. I got the point of the poem. And it's marvelous. 
Childofthemind BRONZE said...
on May. 5 2013 at 8:43 pm
Childofthemind BRONZE, San Marcos, California
1 article 0 photos 42 comments
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I absolutely, positively, entirely agree!  this was one of the best poems i have ever read. why is this not an editors choice or something!?!?!  i added this to my favorites and gave it five stars because it is so awesome! THANK YOU FOR WRITING THIS! I must tell more people to read this!
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on May. 4 2013 at 10:49 am
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

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believe* sorry!
LexusMarie PLATINUM said...
on May. 4 2013 at 10:48 am
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

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BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! BRAVO! You are truly an exceptional writer! I am so impressed and pleased and proud of this most beautiful piece that I would like to use every complimentary word out there to describe this, and I honestly, truly mean that. I enjoyed every letter, word, sentence, phrase that I read and I did not want this to end. The title was truly something special. There was a time in my life when I think I was feeling like this and I could have written a poem also, but nowhere near as magnificent as this. This must go in my favorites. Belive me, it will. I love the way you convey this friend, this wall. You make it look like such a wonderful friend, you talk to it, pour your emotion out. And then! In the end it betrays you and I absolutely could not belive it. I could not belive all the suspense you built up. I felt my heart drop. This was one of the most amazing things that I have ever  read. I put that in bold, italic, and I underlined it to emphasize my point. Once again, bravo on a BEAUTIFUL piece.