thirteen
mom and i sit in our new separate rooms and cry silently
he’s torn us apart and apart again
and each time he is left untouched
by sadness, by anger, by all bad feelings that we are drowning in
i have no family dinner to look forward to
no best friend to comfort me
no cartwheels to do
and no smiles to smile
the darkness is catching up and i'm not going very fast
at this point
i might just stop
twelve
family is ripped apart
the word divorce travels around our house with a chill attached to it
dad started to yell more each day
at either mom or i
my room is my safe, quiet place
and i only cry in the shower
for the water silences my sadness to those outside the bathroom door
my best friend is being taken away
all my friends don’t understand
no one is there for me
i have nothing
eleven
i smiled a ton for no reason at all
i hangout with all my many friends
and i play with finnegan and love him endlessly
our friendship is really unbreakable
and i ended the day with a family dinner
even though mom and dad fought so much
we all acted like nothing happened when at the dinner table
that is one of mom’s rules
ten
i did cartwheels around the house and ran up and down the yard along side my best friend
my dog is my best friend
his name is finnegan
he has golden fur and a black nose
he slobbers a lot but that’s okay
whenever mom and dad fight
we go outside or up in my room and shut the door
music helps drown out the yelling
nine
i start allstar cheer
the people are nice and i have fun with my new team and coaches
dad and i don’t talk as much anymore
ever since he started being mean
and talking loud at me
i stopped having friends over and i went to their houses
because mom and dad were too loud
it feels normal for me but my friends parents do not talk loud at each other
but i have finnegan
he doesn’t talk loud at me
except when he barks but it’s okay
that’s why we’re good for each other
i know we'll be together forever
nothing can separate us
because family is forever
eight
i miss tyler
tyler is my brother and he is in college
he’s been gone for a long time but he is graduating soon
i’ll see him soon hopefully
mom and dad have been extra loud lately
a word id only heard on tv shows had escaped my moms mouth when on the phone with dad
divorce
i don’t really know what it means but i know it isn’t good
it will probably go away before dinner
oh also i got a dog
he’s my best friend
his name is finnegan
or finn for short
seven
i love school
i love my teachers
i love my friends
i love life
today we heard about my family friend who took all that away
i'm not sure why he would want to hurt himself
or take away all the fun and smiles
but maybe he didn’t have any?
i don’t know but my mommy said he’s going away for a while
that’s what they said about my great grandma
and she hasn’t come back
im worried about him and i hope he’s okay
but me and daddy are drifting
it’s like we don’t even know each other anymore
but everything will be okay at dinner
i know it
six
tyler left for college
i thought that he would come home everyday after school like usual
but mommy said he goes to a far away school so he has to stay there
i cried when he left
i'm gonna miss him
mommy says he will be home soon
so i will be here waiting
five
i like my new school
i ride the bus now
i sit next to my friend peyton and we play with our stuffed animals
it’s fun
i get to color and make crafts
i love it
four
everyday on the way to daycare i go to tim horton’s with daddy and we get timbits
i eat the ones i like and leave the ones i don’t
daddy eats what’s left
i really like daddy
i look up to him
and not just because he’s six feet tall
three
daddy came home from the far away place he used to send us letters from
mommy and tyler said he flew planes there
i wanna fly a plane
that’s seems fun
tyler told me daddy is a hero
he’s definitely my hero
i want to be just like him
two

one

done

that’s the end
and i learned some things through my 13 years on this earth

nothing lasts forever
anything can be taken away from you just as fast as you get it
people change over time
or maybe you see the true people they are as time passes?