Sometimes

Home doesn't feel like home

Knowing that home is a person

Is a hard virtue to swallow when you know
that the people that should be home are not

Trying to find refuge elsewhere seems counterproductive 

the expectations to be somebody you're not weighing down on tired shoulders

Finding family in work, the family I should be reaching for drifts farther from my vision

The pressure of keeping up a good family image becoming less important

Even though what i'm doing is good for me

it doesn't count as much more than a grain of sand for them

Because for them, family should be everything

And self preservation doesn't mean as much as family dynamic 

Going home is like facing a wave

Its height looking down on me as it inches forward to crash down

“Working so much is a nuisance”

“You don't make enough time for us”

“Maybe you need to rearrange your priorities”

Expressing my opinions is a dangerous game when they don't match yours

Making it harder to help you understand why what you did was wrong

Why you should look a little deeper into the situation

Try to understand that influencing opinions is different than trying to control them.

More often than not, mental health awareness does not exist here

Negativity will be taken as attitude

Its hard to explain yourself 

when there seem to be such a fine line between sadness and disrespect

There are no excuses 

You may not know how much I get lost in my head

Though you know when my eyes drop and my spirit hangs low

But with the knowledge that comes with knowing does not come understanding

Just because “we all have bad days”

doesn’t mean my struggles should mean any less to you

Words are hard to grab hold of in the heat of the moment

Hurtful things that are said dont always stick word by word

Leaving it hard to explain why I'm left so upset

Looking in from the outside there is nothing wrong 

Nothing to prove that what was said was said 

When feelings hold no weight in the sake of an argument

They're just caring people trying to do what's best for their daughter

Flames left behind from gaslighting singe the tips of my scalp

And I struggle to grab hold of the words that you've thrown at me

Finding no proof in memories 

It leaves me questioning 

Whether i ever had a reason to hate you at all