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Attack
Panic!
Is all I could think about.
Shake!
Is all I could manage to do.
Can’t focus!
Is all I could focus on.
Fears!
Is all I could imagine in my mumbo jumbo of a space I call my head
I was scared, I couldn’t fight this war; but I didn’t want help.
Well, I thought I didn’t need help.
“I am strong!”
“I am strong!”
“But I am weak.”
My thoughts seemed to hurt more than bricks.
I couldn’t breathe, it was as if my mind was trying to keep my body from doing so.
A noise from my addicting hand-held box alerts me of an incoming message.
You’re Okay Sent 10:31pm
My breathing slows; my heart paces itself.
My eyes finally focus on the screen…
‘Empty battery’
“Empty Battery”, I laugh to myself.
Even if I did turn it on, it would be as useless as watching grass grow.
No one cares and no one would care.
No one will listen or even want to help.
Tears seem to show up like an unforecasted downpour in the late afternoon that no one notices.
My hands seem to be the only thing trying to comfort me by clutching my shirt that looks like it got caught in the downpour.
But nothing can comfort me.
Nothing can.
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This was the high point of my anxiety. During sophomore year I started having anxiety attacks. Now I am diagnosed with PNES which is psychadelic non epileptic seizures. It is due to underlying anxiety in high levels. During this time I was confused and scared as well as still a little depressed so thoughts were consuming my mind. So this piece means and still means alot to me.