it's convenient. it's convenient because my leg fits perfectly against yours, and your arm rests neatly upon my shoulder blades as if my bones were molded specifically for your body structure. at times, my words fumble into unnecessary tongues, and my mind flutters with constant quarantines ­restraining what rests at the bottom of my esophagus: i can't grasp the thought of ­losing this, and i'm terrified of releasing my heart when your lips brush against the very corner of mine.

i've thought about the reassurance of pinning my thoughts onto a clothesline, and allowing the breeze to shrivel them up until nothing is pure except the truth. but the world can already see me tripping over my own two feet, colliding head-first with an ocean of complications. whatever we embrace right now is what staples my eyelids shut and leaves a smooth passageway into my heart.

but whether i'm stepping into a comfort zone with you or we're contemplating the dictionary definition of “love,” it's enough. it's enough because your aura is always trembling beneath my epidermis and giving a taunting flare to my nerve cells.if i allowed myself to feel how much i truly need you, or how much your face blurs the sentiments of reality and punctures my skull with chances that were too risky to endure, i'd fall in love with you. and i don't have the mentality to sanely put the pieces together when a bland expression overcomes your olive green eyes, explaining everything you could never admit: you could love me, but your hands are dripping with one too many “what ifs,” and caring about me too much could drown your senses.

so i'm counting the days until i can create ­another defiant emotion for a boy's heart that isn't painted with silver glitter, but tied with a golden ribbon that is incredibly ­sensitive to unwind. but maybe i'm asking for too much again.

maybe i know that you'll crave my secure arms someday, but i'll have come across someone who wasn't afraid.

and that's why i can't let go.