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The Place I Come
The earthy steps that lead to heaven
A place that by humans that was long forgotten
A cool breeze brushes by
The clouds move across a blue sky
The soft earthen seating
The best place for imagination's meeting
A place to inspire
And to sit and admire
A lovely place where the sunlight shone
A glorious place to be alone
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This article has 16 comments.
I'm sorry to say that I must agree with NickJ (excuse the rhym). The grammatical error definately tripped me up. I expected better.
We also have the same favorite line. "the best place for imagination's meeting"
I just feel like so much more could have been done here...
My mind was immediately drawn to the grammatical error in the second line. There should be no second "That" after "humans". At the end you repeat "place" to many times and it comes off as redundant to the reader.
Repetition is okay when you can make it less redundant and more artistic. Through all of this I have to say my favorite line is "The best place for imagination's meeting".
I think thats a great line, and I wish I could say the same about the others. Don't be discouraged though, it's all a part of growth.
This was lovely - it was really refreshing to not read something dark (nothing against dark poems, I write them a lot, too, but it was nice to see something original that wasn't really depressing)
Beautiful - I loved the subject, the descriptions were perfection.
(:
Anyways, moving on to the actual reviewing.
I really enjoyed this (again). Your description is lovely - very simple, but still very powerful. It was beautiful, to blunt. Again, I loved the concept - there are so many dark and angst-ridden poems out there, so much melodrama (I'm guilty, too, I admit. Very guilty) , that this was like a breath of fresh air. Something that didn't depress the living hell out of me, but instead made me appreciate simple writing and beauty.
Oh, God, I've suddenly become a very cheesy reviewer.
I'll stop embarrassing myself with all this sap right now, and leave you with one final remark:
You are very talented, and I hope to read more from you in the future