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The Place I Come
March 9, 2012
The earthy steps that lead to heaven
A place that by humans that was long forgotten
A cool breeze brushes by
The clouds move across a blue sky
The soft earthen seating
The best place for imagination's meeting
A place to inspire
And to sit and admire
A lovely place where the sunlight shone
A glorious place to be alone
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This article has 16 comments.
Lia692 said...
on Jun. 30 2012 at 10:59 am
I feel like this about some of the places where I write. A nice, quiet poem in amidst a lot of the angsty poems on this site is a nice refresher.
AlaskaFrost GOLD said...
on Apr. 9 2012 at 4:58 pm
First of all, I LOVE the title. "The Place I Come" - it's great! But beyond that, I really like the poem as well. It's nice to have a little quiet place all for yourself just to relax and write. The only thing that threw me off a little was the grammatical error in the second line, but besides that, I really liked it!
eternal_sunshine SILVER said...
on Mar. 30 2012 at 9:59 pm
This is really beautiful, I had to add it to my favorites. It evokes lovely imagery to my mind, yet it is broad enough that it makes me picture my own place. Excellent job!
AgentOrange789 GOLD said...
on Mar. 29 2012 at 12:51 am
I really like the diction, and the way you breathe life into your setting. Good job.
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD said...
on Mar. 28 2012 at 9:16 pm
I'm sorry to say that I must agree with NickJ (excuse the rhym). The grammatical error definately tripped me up. I expected better.
We also have the same favorite line. "the best place for imagination's meeting"
I just feel like so much more could have been done here...
WritngForTheWin GOLD said...
on Mar. 28 2012 at 1:43 am
Wow! Imagry imagry! This place takes me to where i'd want to be.
I'm not fond of this poem either. It's weak and doesn't leave a lasting impression on the reader. Unfortunately its quite forgettable. This is in part due to the lack of compelling imagery and generic figurative language.
My mind was immediately drawn to the grammatical error in the second line. There should be no second "That" after "humans". At the end you repeat "place" to many times and it comes off as redundant to the reader.
Repetition is okay when you can make it less redundant and more artistic. Through all of this I have to say my favorite line is "The best place for imagination's meeting".
I think thats a great line, and I wish I could say the same about the others. Don't be discouraged though, it's all a part of growth.
My mind was immediately drawn to the grammatical error in the second line. There should be no second "That" after "humans". At the end you repeat "place" to many times and it comes off as redundant to the reader.
Repetition is okay when you can make it less redundant and more artistic. Through all of this I have to say my favorite line is "The best place for imagination's meeting".
I think thats a great line, and I wish I could say the same about the others. Don't be discouraged though, it's all a part of growth.
dreamshaker said...
on Mar. 26 2012 at 2:49 pm
So, I just checked again to see if my comment(s) posted, and I guess they never did.
This was lovely - it was really refreshing to not read something dark (nothing against dark poems, I write them a lot, too, but it was nice to see something original that wasn't really depressing)
Beautiful - I loved the subject, the descriptions were perfection.
(:
This was lovely - it was really refreshing to not read something dark (nothing against dark poems, I write them a lot, too, but it was nice to see something original that wasn't really depressing)
Beautiful - I loved the subject, the descriptions were perfection.
(:
maizyiscrazy GOLD said...
on Mar. 26 2012 at 9:43 am
Wow! I really like this! It is just short and sweet, and you don't drag it on. Awesome!
thetruthawaits94 SILVER said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 11:38 am
I love how you rhyme in your poems! It's so refreshing. This poem is really visiual and i can picture this place in my head. THis is wonderful! Keep writing!
loveissmiles GOLD said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 9:29 am
This is really pretty. It's elegant, but to the point. Overall a great piece. =]
loveissmiles GOLD said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 9:29 am
This is really pretty. It's elegant, but to the point. Overall a great piece. =]
beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 7:29 am
Cool---it was simple and direct...bringing to our attention the places once forgotten that holds such peace and tranquility. It was good:)
dreamshaker said...
on Mar. 20 2012 at 7:35 pm
Your rhyming ability continues to amaze me, haha. I'll always be freeverse - I simply can't rhyme. At all. And I'm very jealous that you can, and that you do it so well (I know that sounds weird, but there are a lot of poems out there that just rhyme for the sake of rhyming - as in they don't flow nicely, or they're very awkwardly worded, etc.)
Anyways, moving on to the actual reviewing.
I really enjoyed this (again). Your description is lovely - very simple, but still very powerful. It was beautiful, to blunt. Again, I loved the concept - there are so many dark and angst-ridden poems out there, so much melodrama (I'm guilty, too, I admit. Very guilty) , that this was like a breath of fresh air. Something that didn't depress the living hell out of me, but instead made me appreciate simple writing and beauty.
Oh, God, I've suddenly become a very cheesy reviewer.
I'll stop embarrassing myself with all this sap right now, and leave you with one final remark:
You are very talented, and I hope to read more from you in the future
Anyways, moving on to the actual reviewing.
I really enjoyed this (again). Your description is lovely - very simple, but still very powerful. It was beautiful, to blunt. Again, I loved the concept - there are so many dark and angst-ridden poems out there, so much melodrama (I'm guilty, too, I admit. Very guilty) , that this was like a breath of fresh air. Something that didn't depress the living hell out of me, but instead made me appreciate simple writing and beauty.
Oh, God, I've suddenly become a very cheesy reviewer.
I'll stop embarrassing myself with all this sap right now, and leave you with one final remark:
You are very talented, and I hope to read more from you in the future
