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The Place I Come

March 9, 2012
By Ariya GOLD, Charleston, South Carolina
More by this author
Ariya GOLD, Charleston, South Carolina
12 articles 1 photo 25 comments

Favorite Quote:
Some men just want to watch the world burn.<br /> -Alfred (Batman Begins)

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The earthy steps that lead to heaven
A place that by humans that was long forgotten
A cool breeze brushes by
The clouds move across a blue sky
The soft earthen seating
The best place for imagination's meeting
A place to inspire
And to sit and admire
A lovely place where the sunlight shone
A glorious place to be alone

The author's comments:
This poem is based on a tangible place that I go to write and draw.
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This article has 16 comments.

Lia692 said...
on Jun. 30 2012 at 10:59 am
Lia692, Spokane, Washington
0 articles 0 photos 45 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Life should be viewed from afar and lived from close up.&quot;

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I feel like this about some of the places where I write. A nice, quiet poem in amidst a lot of the angsty poems on this site is a nice refresher.
AlaskaFrost GOLD said...
on Apr. 9 2012 at 4:58 pm
AlaskaFrost GOLD, Acushnet, Massachusetts
17 articles 7 photos 131 comments
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First of all, I LOVE the title. "The Place I Come" - it's great! But beyond that, I really like the poem as well. It's nice to have a little quiet place all for yourself just to relax and write. The only thing that threw me off a little was the grammatical error in the second line, but besides that, I really liked it!
eternal_sunshine SILVER said...
on Mar. 30 2012 at 9:59 pm
eternal_sunshine SILVER, Minnetonka, Minnesota
8 articles 0 photos 46 comments

Favorite Quote:
Laugh, and the world laughs with you;<br /> Weep, and you weep alone.<br /> For the sad old earth must borrow it&#039;s mirth,<br /> But has trouble enough of its own.

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This is really beautiful, I had to add it to my favorites. It evokes lovely imagery to my mind, yet it is broad enough that it makes me picture my own place. Excellent job!
AgentOrange789 GOLD said...
on Mar. 29 2012 at 12:51 am
AgentOrange789 GOLD, Friendswood, Texas
16 articles 0 photos 59 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;It&#039;s a saying they have, that a man has a false heart in his mouth for the world to see, another in his breast to show to his special friends and his family, and the real one, the true one, the secret one, which is never known to anyone except to himself alone, hidden only God knows where.&quot;<br /> -James Clavell, &quot;Shogun&quot;

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I really like the diction, and the way  you breathe life into your setting. Good job. 
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD said...
on Mar. 28 2012 at 9:16 pm
Behind_a_Plastic_Smile GOLD, Roseville, California
17 articles 1 photo 129 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;if you&#039;re not 1st you&#039;re last&quot;

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I'm sorry to say that I must agree with NickJ (excuse the rhym). The grammatical error definately tripped me up. I expected better.

 

We also have the same favorite line. "the best place for imagination's meeting"

 

I just feel like so much more could have been done here...

Eshshah PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 28 2012 at 7:03 am
Eshshah PLATINUM, Galloway, New Jersey
32 articles 31 photos 239 comments

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&quot;The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep.&quot; -Robert Frost

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greta poem, I LOVE the idea, it reminds me of a tree that I sit in and get all my ideas. the lines seem a little messed up though, I don't know sort of crooked- but that's probably to new formatting that makes it that way.
WritngForTheWin GOLD said...
on Mar. 28 2012 at 1:43 am
WritngForTheWin GOLD, Portland, Oregon
15 articles 3 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;Love is the Banner i fly over my head,<br /> Even when im shacled to the whim of decite.&quot; -Unknown.

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Wow! Imagry imagry! This place takes me to where i'd want to be.
NickyJ BRONZE said...
on Mar. 27 2012 at 3:49 pm
NickyJ BRONZE, Hyde Park, New York
1 article 0 photos 138 comments

Favorite Quote:
&ldquo;In three words I can sum up everything I&#039;ve learned about life: it goes on.&rdquo; ~Robert Frost

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I'm not fond of this poem either. It's weak and doesn't leave a lasting impression on the reader. Unfortunately its quite forgettable. This is in part due to the lack of compelling imagery and generic figurative language.

My mind was immediately drawn to the grammatical error in the second line. There should be no second "That" after "humans". At the end you repeat "place" to many times and it comes off as redundant to the reader.

Repetition is okay when you can make it less redundant and more artistic. Through all of this I have to say my favorite line is "The best place for imagination's meeting".

I think thats a great line, and I wish I could say the same about the others. Don't be discouraged though, it's all a part of growth.
Jokorium SILVER said...
on Mar. 26 2012 at 6:41 pm
Jokorium SILVER, Union Gap, Washington
8 articles 0 photos 4 comments
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I love the fact that this made me imagine the few places I go when I like to be alone for some "me time", to think and just reflect.
By your description, it sounds like quite a beautiful place.
dreamshaker said...
on Mar. 26 2012 at 2:49 pm
dreamshaker, Clarkston, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 64 comments
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So, I just checked again to see if my comment(s) posted, and I guess they never did.

This was lovely - it was really refreshing to not read something dark (nothing against dark poems, I write them a lot, too, but it was nice to see something original that wasn't really depressing)
Beautiful - I loved the subject,  the descriptions were perfection.

(:
maizyiscrazy GOLD said...
on Mar. 26 2012 at 9:43 am
maizyiscrazy GOLD, Washington, District Of Columbia
10 articles 53 photos 261 comments

Favorite Quote:
I believe in pink. I believe that laughing is the best calorie burner. I believe in kissing, kissing a lot. I believe in being strong when everything seems to be going wrong. I believe in miracles. ~Audrey Hepburn

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Wow! I really like this! It is just short and sweet, and you don't drag it on. Awesome!
thetruthawaits94 SILVER said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 11:38 am
thetruthawaits94 SILVER, Duncan, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 351 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain.

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I love how you rhyme in your poems! It's so refreshing. This poem is really visiual and i can picture this place in my head. THis is wonderful! Keep writing!
loveissmiles GOLD said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 9:29 am
loveissmiles GOLD, Lynn, Indiana
13 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I live for the nights I can&#039;t remember with the people I will never forget.&quot; -Carassisa M-&lt;3<br /> <br /> &quot;What the mind can perceive, the body can achieve.&quot; -Softball Coach Steve B-

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This is really pretty. It's elegant, but to the point. Overall a great piece. =]
loveissmiles GOLD said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 9:29 am
loveissmiles GOLD, Lynn, Indiana
13 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;I live for the nights I can&#039;t remember with the people I will never forget.&quot; -Carassisa M-&lt;3<br /> <br /> &quot;What the mind can perceive, the body can achieve.&quot; -Softball Coach Steve B-

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This is really pretty. It's elegant, but to the point. Overall a great piece. =]
beautifulspirit PLATINUM said...
on Mar. 21 2012 at 7:29 am
beautifulspirit PLATINUM, Alpharetta, Georgia
35 articles 0 photos 1398 comments

Favorite Quote:
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Cool---it was simple and direct...bringing to our attention the places once forgotten that holds such peace and tranquility. It was good:)
dreamshaker said...
on Mar. 20 2012 at 7:35 pm
dreamshaker, Clarkston, Michigan
0 articles 0 photos 64 comments
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Your rhyming ability continues to amaze me, haha. I'll always be freeverse - I simply can't rhyme. At all. And I'm very jealous that you can, and that you do it so well (I know that sounds weird, but there are a lot of poems out there that just rhyme for the sake of rhyming - as in they don't  flow nicely, or they're very awkwardly worded, etc.)

Anyways, moving on to the actual reviewing.
I really enjoyed this (again). Your description is lovely - very simple, but still very powerful. It was  beautiful, to blunt. Again, I loved the concept - there are so many dark and angst-ridden poems out there, so much melodrama (I'm guilty, too, I admit. Very guilty) , that this was like a breath of fresh air. Something that didn't depress the living hell out of me, but instead made me appreciate simple writing and beauty.

Oh, God, I've suddenly become a very cheesy reviewer.
I'll stop embarrassing myself with all this sap right now, and leave you with one final remark:
You are very talented, and I hope to read more from you in the future