Carhartts
I will always remember
Late fall football games
Shivering inside your hole-riddled
Extra large
Carhartt jacket
With the creases in the worn canvas
And the distinct scent of welded metal
Madly cheering on a losing team
And not giving a damn
Just you and me, Daddy

grease-smeared
starch-stiffened
dirt-caked
steel-toed
duct-taped
crooked-nosed
red-necked
camo-panted
callus-fingered

I can't stop
I just can't stop crying
You were always bad at hiding
At lying
Keeping secrets
But you're not really trying anymore

I know you're dying, Daddy
It hangs in the space around your head
Defeat
That's the worst part
Worse than me knowing
Is you knowing
I want to scream at you
Don't you dare give up!
Not yet
Not now
Not ever

You joke
Say you'd rather be mowing the lawn
Than six feet under it
And God, that kills me
To think about how close you're getting
To think I'll never get another chance
to out-fish you
To think I'll never fall asleep in Mass again
To think I'll never wake up St. Paddy's Day with green pancakes

I'm trying not to cry
Trying not to make it all about me
“20 belly laughs a day
Keeps that a**hole of a doctor away!”
Please let me see that awkward little
half-smile
Just one more time
Please show me how to re-string my bow
Just one more time
Please tell me the story about the pig
who made cheese
Just one more time

Yeah
I know
The clock struck midnight an hour ago
No more praying for a Hail Mary
Our team lost
Again

Jesus
Please set a place for my daddy
At your table
Prepare a seat for him
At your right hand
Because that's where he belongs
That's what he deserves
To stand tall and be proud
To eat steak and drink beer with the
King of Kings