This beginning started with a
melancholy goodbye.
Your camouflaged covered body,
stained with my tears,
trudges off into your future of uncertainty.
It was in that moment
that I realized
all the ‘don’t worry honey’s and ‘I’ll be back’s
soon become a lie.

Constant questions of
“where’s daddy”?
Walks through the halls of our home.
One is five and the other seven now,
So Heaven is all they understand.
But that doesn’t stop the questions
To which answers I have not.
Tucking them into their homes for the night,
I gave each one an extra kiss and a hug––
One from me––
one from you.
When ‘Bring You Parent to School’ Say
Rolls around;
I stand alone.
Alone in a crowded room of seemingly perfect couples.
perfect couples standing together,
standing by each other,
smiling.
The other children ask
“Where’s your daddy?”
Or
“Why didn’t he come?”
You would have been proud of our kids.
Standing tall––
”my daddy is with Jesus”.
Pitiful glances pour out of the eyes
Of each mother and father in the room.
My family is broken,
But not destroyed.
And I––
When I find the courage––
Sit out on the wooden love seat porch swing
Reminiscing about you and I.
Years ago we sat here,
Together
And in love.
But now I sit alone
Still finding myself as deep in love.
Gazing up at the stars,
I notice how just like you––
One star––
Is lost in the unknown battlefield.
Where the fallen and standing soldiers
Mesh together to create a heavenly experience.
But there is always that one star
That draws not just your eyes,
But also the heart.
Shining bigger,
Brighter,
Bolder.
This star is you.
The thoughts of you open the flood gates to my eyes.
Trailing along with my tears are the painful reminders of you.
But my moist blush stained cheeks provide the closure I need
To continue to love my deceased husband.
So I shed one for you.
I shed one you the kids.
I shed one for myself.

So let these stars and stripes masquerade
My pain for pride,
But no matter how bright the Ol’
Red, White, and Blue shine,
Victory is not mine.
Victory was never mine.
This was for you.
You had that passion
The fire
The desire
To sacrifice yourself for your family
Your country
Your freedom.
And here I stand before your flag draped casket––
Still and forever missing you.