first there will be fear
army crawling its way to the back of mind
using conscious as stepping stone
it will settle, black as the dusk around you
the human body becomes an entirely new creature after dark
something a little more like beast
then, of course, comes instinct
you’ll bare your teeth at the world
show them just how many knives you can strap to the inner-workings of your smile
you’ll dress your empty to the nines
polish your hollow till it shines
you’ll meet the sidewalk with a switch piloting your hips and a switchblade between your lips
behind you will stroll doubt
clothed only in shadow
every so often, you’ll feel its breath on the back of your neck
do not shy away from it.
it is just as human as the pain etching its way into your stilletoed feet
you must learn to walk despite it
you will learn to stand tall despite it
with legs as sturdy as streetlamps
he’ll find you after they flicker a couple times
when you stand shuddering in the street like there is thunder hiding in your bones
lightning’s cackle goosebumping through your skin
a man with a crooked walk in his eyes will catcall his way over to you
search for just the nook or cranny to grab hold on
when he grips you
with all the allure one too many has to offer
you’ll have peeled back enough to reach the fourth layer
stillness
because what can you do when nothing but the wind blew out the the light in someone?
when he leaves all that warmth he promised you trailing behind him
when you can hear cracking knuckles in his voice
what else is there to do but paralyze yourself?
apply numbness to your hips
he will layer himself atop all your crash site
he is layer number five
he is a part of you now
one you will try so many times to amputate
when you safety-pin the first no to your tongue
he will crumple it up and stuff it in his coat pocket
keep it as a souvenir
the second no will slingshot itself to heaven
and when you ask God to help you forget this night
he will hand-deliver it back to you
so you must begin to build yourself over again
from a different kind of scratch.