Why? | Teen Ink

Why?

May 7, 2021
By violetmoonlitrose BRONZE, Simi Valley, California
violetmoonlitrose BRONZE, Simi Valley, California
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
If I ever opened my eyes, would I be waking up in a different reality? -Violet Evergarden


This feeling of breaking

The words people use, the path they choose for you

Trying not to break, trying to be strong

Forever we say, forever locked aside

The emotions you’ve caused me to feel, apart of me I’ve never seen

Why, why do you love me, why do you need me, why is it a good reason

The purpose I’m chosen for, the purpose they say god has given

The people against us, the feelings against me

The uncertainty, The unnoticable notion of right and wrong between us

Feeling lost, feelings I didn’t mean to stir upon us

Why, why did I make you cry, why did you stay, why do we hurt each other

The toxicity of emotions, the burden of my feelings

With every word we slip, every memory dangling 

The words I say, the meaning I intend, is it understood?

What can I do, what could I have done to change it

Why, Why go by the past, why can’t we move on, why an impulsive mistake

The cold stares, the disapproval and judgment

Those who say it’s hope, hope buried in frustration and scared guidance


The author's comments:

I am a fifteen-year-old girl lost in this generation of broken, degraded, self-absorbed, technology-addicted, sexually perverted teens. Now I'm not saying every teen is, but most I have come across, or even heard of are this way. I myself would say I was this type of person and this is why this poem was written, now if there is any detail more than what I have written wanted I may be emailed, and I am happy to answer any questions. I don't necessarily want to give out my life story here for those who may not want to hear it, I'll give a small version of what needs to be heard. I have gotten into trouble lately and it's always for the same reason, a young girl doing something stupid for "LOVE". I always end up falling head over heals for the wrong type of guy, and I know it too. Everyone around me knows that I know better and yet I practically ruined my teenage years for this. I hope for those who want to learn more, will learn from my experience. This poem is a combination of my pain for leaving a toxic relationship, and feeling the pain I've inflicted on others, and how I feel about myself realizing who I was. Also nobody really realizes that they are in a toxic relationship till they are forced to leave it. I have had issues with my family because I was basically a degraded teen. I had so many bottled up emotions about myself and my body, everything I was doing with myself was so wrong. I was starting to get stressed out and feel anxiety, all because I was carrying the emotions and burdens of others, now as a regular teen I was told "you shouldn't be feeling that way, you should be happy and be out having fun". I right now am suffering from a small technology addiction, and I am slowly trying to process it. to conclude this...I say from the bottum of my heart I'm sorry mom and everyone else that I didn't listen, and I lied so much. I am no longer trusted and I can feel/see that in the way I am spoken to, and that is ok. I understand I am just trying to be guided to the right path and sacrifices, mistakes, even punishments are needed to be made. Everybody makes mistakes, goes through hearbreak, and feels atype of way about their body or even themselves. The hardest part is getting through it alone, so if you have someone who will be there for you please use them and let them know how you feel, I promise they will be there for you :). (down below is an image from the internet of how I feel when lost in thought)

Sincerely 

-J. E.


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